Friday, March 05, 2004
hello. using my dad's computer to update. cos my stupid computer keeps hanging on me. stupid wireless. lousy connection. but hey, at least i still got internet. and i can't even get onto msn messanger cos there's some stupid firewall. computer talk. don't ask me. haha. i know nuts about computers. well except switching it on and off. yeah. ok, i'm talking rubbish. well, i didn't go to school today cos i was really tired as the past two days we've been having adventure camp thingy super fun!!! haha. but as usual, cam and her stupid stunts. haha. hmm.. let me think, too many to recall. hmm.. let me think. oh well, i put my finger into the fire.. if that's counted. cos we were doing outdoor cooking at sentosa. then i was striking the match and trying to ignite the solid fuel so i was trying to move it after trying a few times. then i was like ow. hot. and yeah. we looked at it. and it was already on fire. sigh. uh huh. and we were walking in the jungle. and i was screaming and screaming for no reason except that the ferns were brushing they're spores all over me. then shouldn't ferns scatter they're seeds by humans and animals too, instead of just wind? hm. ok nevermind. yeah. then we had to continue walking in the forest. and then there was a dragon trail. man.. that was scary. there were dragon bones! which i thought were real.. hahahahaha. but my friends told me they were concrete. :S and there was a dragon falls, the dragon would open its mouth and water would come out. i screamed when i saw it and i caused my friends to scream too. haha. i was grabbing my friend's hands. yup. oh. and a few days ago we went to turf city to go giant. go shopping mah. yeah. and i almost fell down a slope!? hmm. well, cos i didn't see the slope and i walked straight happily. yup. and i was walking on flat ground and i was walking down a step. get what i mean? i was bending my body to go down a step when it was flat ground. something wrong with my eyes. this was at sentosa. and then. i almost went up the wrong bus. cos you see, there were two ultraman buses. so i went to the right when it was on the left. yup. and.. oh. yeah. i was cheering my group on before we were going to get briefed i was like 2SY let's finish the race by 2! and we were all cheering and i tripped. omg.. i think i'm blind seriously. and then. yeah. this is a long story. cos i was the group leader. so all the group leaders had to race you see, race to our groups with our first clue. so becky and i different groups as our class was split into half, yes, then becky was like " cam, walk ah, you sure you going to walk" then i was like "yah.. yah" then when bob(the guy incharge) said go, i said "RUN" and we ran.. haha. but that's not the funny part, we were talking when he said go, so yeah. a bit delayed reaction, both of us already at the back. and the best part was my shoe came off as i was running. -.- omg.. so embarrassing. i was laughing my head off. and ms leong(my favourite and everybody's favourite teacher) picked up my shoe and tried to throw it back. she was laughing at me. trust me to pull of these antic huh. yeah. my group was pissed. haha. in a funny way. i truly am bathetic (quotes clare) sigh. haha.
anyways, today a level results were released. wonder how everybody did. :S sigh. today it will be decided if kor is leaving or not, i think. ah. so hard to let go! results for me always boil down to trusting. but how do you trust? man, it's difficult. especially for a control freak like me. trusting and submitting. somehow, i think i was born the opposite of everything the Lord wants us to be or do. but yeah, was encouraged to press on. and with mentors like min, dy, jie, kor and friends, it makes the road more fun to travel. thanks guys. man, honestly i don't want kor to go. but he's ready to submit to what the Lord wants him to do, why can't i? sigh. i'll really miss him. but then again he might not go. but i don't know which to hope for.
past few months i've been faced with little trials of my own, and sigh. i haven't exactly been the greatest testimony, or christian. i still haven't learnt how to trust. and i still can't say "give me this mountain" i really have to work hard on my spiritual life, then again, which part of life don't you have to work hard at. i guess, that's where my priorities come in. sigh. so difficult to prioritise. Pastor Mitch was talking to me about how my attention is spread out over too many things. but what can i sacrifice? squash? studies? church? prefects? i can't. i can't bear to give up any. so if i want to go this way, i just have to plan my time well. but all these committments just overwhelm me. like way. i'm on the verge of breaking seriously. i'm bombarded with projects. kor once said "how can we keep asking the Lord for help when we're not even walking right with Him" woah. super true. haiz. come on cam.. wake up. please. i'm super stressed with school and squash.
i know, i know i know, all these are testings. never knew they'd be so difficult to face. face them everyday. sometimes, i just feel like giving up even though i've never even done a thing. and i just don't want to think about them. i just wish that time will erase the pain. but obviously i've been proven wrong. nothing's been erased. sigh. know the song "thank you Lord" will type it out one day. it really really speaks to me. and how one day i really want to say thank You Lord for my trials. i can't say it now. honestly i can't. but i guess it's a spiritual goal, a spiritual aspiration.
camp's coming up! woot! really hope to be rejuvenated. have been really quite down lately. sigh. yeah. but somehow the Lord has been providing me with strength to carry on even though i didn't really ask for it. and friends He's given me plenty to count on to cheer me up.
"Thank You Lord for my special friends, thank you Lord for what they mean to me, Thank You Lord for my special friends for it's in their lives Your love i see. There are times when i'm sad and lonely and it seems like the road will never end, but i want to thank you again my Lord, for giving me my very special friends"
so they said.
