soliloquy.

Friday, March 12, 2004

I'm so glad that God's never too busy for lil me. :D

hi! the entry before this was yesterday's.. just that i couldn't post it, so i saved it and posted it today. yupyup. AHHHHH!? our class came in 2nd!!! whooooo. omg. we were sooo happy!! we were screaming and jumping like siao za bo's but who cares. 2SY I LOVE YOU!it's ok 2CO beat us. we're all friends after all huh. :D congrats everybody. sijie you did a FANTABULOUS job. i love you!! -muacks- you should be my ou xiang. too bad you're my contemporary.. :S haha. whee. tomorrow's om. die. i think we're dead like SUPER. hope i don't screw it up.

holidays! not much though. bringing my tons of homework over to camp. and ah! i'm damn*slap* scared! i've got to train really hard in camp! comp's in like what one week! ah. omg. sigh. hate this feeling of stress and anxiety. honestly it sucks. i shouldn't be blogging now. should be doing my homework. and i still have yet to pack for camp! and tomorrow. i'm not going to come home until like 9! ahhh. haha. i better start packing later. wheee. camp!

well, yeah. i better scoot to my holiday homework. teachers.. sigh. thank goodness i don't have art homework! mrs canham you rock! haha. thanks for sparing us, if not i'll just dig my own grave. kk. peace. :D

so they said.

hello. as usual. something's wrong with my comp. sigh. can't stand it. yeah. omg.. today was fun. haha.we had this chinese talentime thing. so my friends were practising their indian dance. cos you know stefanie sun or stephanie sun. that zhuan zhuan zhuan.. huan huan huan song sounds indiany. so yeah indian dance. anyways. 2 mins before the comp, they dragged me into it. and i became the indian king!like what!? saboed. sigh. luckily for i had an indian costume under my table, i brought it for our chinese presentation. and they made me wear it. omg. i looked like a nut. my friend tied the scarf around my head. cos i looked like a guy wearing a skirt. -.-" my friends were super nervous. and i had no dance moves. i had to think up of my own impromptu. i was instructed by dawn,
that once i see them lost, i go in and look silly. haha. haha. but yeah. dawn did a great job with the cheoreography. go sijie! haha. :D omg. i tell you. i embarrassed myself silly. but it's ok. i love pleasing the audience. everytime i go on stage, people laugh. haha. they never fail to expect something funny. haha. but yeah. i'm fine with it. i go on stage to have pure fun! :D haha. anyways. then the teachers were announcing the 6 classes which got into the finals. and they called 5 other classes, and the 6th class she said 2SY! omg.. you should have seen us man! we were screaming, and my class is super united man! haha. yay. but yeah, i think we all almost cried.. haha. good job peeps. haha. omg. my friends called me the evil maharaja. MOULIN ROUGE ROCKS! yeah. anyways. haha. everybody was like.. we won cos of camille! no man! you all did a fab job! i just went in to save you all. haha. :D aiyo.. haha. but yeah, i'm sure we all had fun. well tomorrow's the finals. against the upper sec. :O scary! but get to miss lessons. so yeah. haha.

can't wait for camp. i haven't packed yet! got no time to pack leh! die.. super loaded with stuff. OM. ah!? i think should be ok. just have to memorise my lines. AND i can't smile when i'm dead. i keep laughing. and oh man. i'm scared i screw our duet! haha. well. continuing to pray. sigh. man, i'm pooped, but i'm still up doing school stuff. sigh. not dying. :D

oh. hmm. i thought friendship fights were in primary school? sigh. obviously not. and somehow, i'm forever the last one to know. cos everybody says don't tell camille. cos, you see. not cos i'm a blabber mouth. i'm not ok!just that. i'm right smack in the middle of everything. so, they don't really want me to know. but i still find out in the end. haiz. it's super sad to see your good friends fighting. i thought i left everything back in primary school. but somehow, i seem to face a lot. i don't have problems. my friends do, and it really hurts to watch.
haiz. and there's nothing i can do about it. sad know. super sad. my close friends.

haha. my om group rawks. haha.considering that they're my clique.. haha. ok. but super fun lah. we're forever cracking jokes. yes, and forever getting bullied. everybody picks on camille. and i mean everybody. you know camille you pick on camille. yeah. i'm the biggest loser,
dumb ass. haha. and everybody pinches my cheeks and ruffles my hair. haha. but, yeah all in the name of fun.

k, to end off. i shall say something.

kor rocks!! :D haha. like -.-" right. haha.

so they said.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

hi. crap, just got caught using the phone. twice in a row. but surprisingly mum didn't say anything. erm... ok :S just got home from changing my wire. it doesn't hurt a bit.. feels exactly the same. didn't change the colours orange and pink!!woot. eating fries from macs.. haha. bought squash top and bottom. liew.. super ex man! sigh... and i'm usually the one who likes to spend money. ow. my right hand cramp! haha. school was normally boring. except for a cme forum at the end of the day. dealing with bgr. haha. not that interesting. but yeah, the teachers did make a lot of sense.. talking about abortion. so sad!! i'm so not aborting any of my babies. i'm going to have kids!! i hope. wait first must marry my handsome, hunky and RICH husband. i stress rich.. anybody fit this description? come and look for me leh.. haha. :D joking. hold on.

back. was forced to bathe NOW. cos i was caught in the super duper heavy rain. aiyo. it was flooded everywhere as i was trying to get to the dentist. so great right. thank goodness i was wearing other clothes and not school uni. i was super drenched. plus the water was up to my knees. AND my school bag was soaked too.sigh. but haha. it was fun swimming. never knew singapore got so flooded. :D haha. then i came home with
t li wei. know what happened. i went to taka right. then i was supposed to meet my mum at the dentist. then as i was walking there, i saw her turning in. and know what! she was so scared cos it was so flooded. she went back home! and left me there at the dentist penniless. sigh.best. thank goodness the people there are nice. and my mum spoke to them. and they said she could pay the next time she went. she ah.. abandon me man.
haha. and so i had to take mrt home with t li wei. but she picked us up at the mrt station. haha. *shakes head* super funny. haiz. yupyup. ooba tired. -yawn-

ah! for the millionth time! i can't wait for camp!? it's drawing nearer! hurrah! but i haven't started packing. haha. oh man.. then after that is nationals already.. i'm really scared. not scared. excited.. scared.. stressed.a lot of stress on me. a LOT. deeda. am super bored. going to fall asleep like now..

i love the song my sin.

"My sins have been nailed to the cross of my saviour where satan has no power. for God has displayed His undeserved favour, He's taken my sin and He has nailed it to the cross"

izzit? i don't know. i just hear until this is what i hear. i love it. haha. i also like the song the greteast love? i don't know the title.but i know the nice part is.

"the greatest love is the love that knows the greatest loss"

haha. easter's coming. omg.. i'm so bored that i'm repeating everything i'm saying. haha. listening to josh groban.. omg.. he rocks!? love his voice!? haha. super sexy. i like spanish!! i think it too is a sext language. josh sings in spanish. haha. :D "you're still you" rocks man.. haha. :D but the best is still "when you say you love me" haha. but
yeah. i still love yelly music. especially when i'm upset or angry. evanescence and linkin park! ahh. i want evanescence cd!! haha. :D yupyup. gtg before i fall asleep right here. omg, i think i'm such a pig. but who cares, being a pig rocks.

so they said.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

hi. today was fun!! got loads of orange things. haha. they were trying to hide the cake from me, but haha. i already saw it. :D poor things. but yeah. still had loads of fun. got lots of prezzies! haha. :D my friends rock know! woot!! haha. becky made me close my eyes, and brought me to the table and they sang super loud and screamed super loud. man, my friends rock. had an mango [orange] cake. i know i'm repeating myself. don't like to. but it really was super memorable. too bad didnt' have camera. haha. will look at it and laugh myself silly. :S omg. you should have seen what they did to my face?! it was gross.. haha!! they each took turns to smear cream on my face.. man, the joy they find in doing that.. haha. :D but yeah, all in the name of fun. didn't get angry, but was screaming like mad. then they dragged me around the whole canteen before letting me go to the toilet to clean it off. haha. gross. i love ya guys! you all rock. haha. i've come to a conclusion that 2SY 2004 rocks!?!?!?!?!? whoo!? i know a bit slow. but don't matter. woah.. i'm already 14 that was fast.. :O yeah.

anyways. i realised i deleted my archives. haha. who cares. i'm too lazy to put it back up. i'll do it another time. ah!? can't wait for camp!! yeah. super excited!! i think nothing can ruin my mood of euphoria today. :D haha. i'm just too hyped up. except i'm tired cos kor and becky called me in the middle of the night to wish me happy birthday. haha. :D thanks guys. :)

haha. got a gazillion smses when i switched on my phone.. ah.. so touched. :D everybody remembered. :) almost everybody... -.-' haha. some of my friends forgot they gave me their left over chocolate. and hash brown. but tis ok, it's the thought that counts yah? :D today rocked. haha. really was super special for me. ms leong wished me happy birthday too!? haha. :D so exciting. yupyup. going to celebrate my berfday at home. with yummy dindin. crabs!!!! YUM!? kk. ciao. i'm a big girl now. well, not really. just one year older. haha nooooooooooooooo. i don't wanna grow up! :S haha. kk. bye!

so they said.

hi. in school now. haha. doing some stupid geog assignment which is assesed. however you spell it. haha. my friend correcting my english. catched. caught. hmm. i'm the pro! haha. my friends are the best. they celebrated my birthday. i wasn't supposed to know. but i found out in the end. quite obvious. bought me an orange cake. mango! got lots of orange presents. i loooove my friends. haha. got this big balloon thing, duck's head. calling it mango.. haha. it's super cute lor. mira, angma, yb you guys rock! so cute!!! haha. :D and while we were eating cake. my fantastic friends were smudging cake all over my face!?!?!?! ahhhhh. gross right. gtg. teacher coming.

so they said.

Monday, March 08, 2004

hate it when you don't reply.

hello. don't like my internet. keep hanging on me. just now typed so much but all deleted. boohoo. sigh. yeah. was writing about today. started well. ended injured. as usual. ah.. squash. the thought of it depresses me. sucky captain can't do a thing to help. honestly i think i suck. sigh. useless know. haiz. yeah. how can i be depressed thinking about it when i love it! i wanna get into naitonal team know.. !! :D coach says make sure next year i must get into the combine schools. which is i have no idea what. wow. but it sounds cool. then i want to play club level too!! uhhhhhh!! "victor koh has his eyes on you.." quotes mr tan. hahaha! yeah. he's the ladies national coach. woah. better work extra hard. witout indi better train even harder. so exciting. but it better not interfere with my studies. or i better not let it interfere. i'm already not studyin. ah.. camille! start studying. got back lit today. heng ah. passed. but yeah. haiz. don't wana talk about it. got back english and geog. i'm really doing very poorly. super not up to standard. cam! wake up!? haiz..

change. good or bad? i've become more laid back. not so uptight now.. usually i get stressed until what. acutally i still do get stressed. scary thoughts enter my mind. thank God He's been watching and protecting me if not ah. i honestly won't be here. prolly at woodbridge or some hospital. don't know. i think being in my school is scary. can you imagine me in pl? nanyang sounds safe.. haha. except for the problem with guys.. haha chinese high.. yeah. out of point. mhmm. no offence babes. but my experience at pl was bad. that time i went for the prefect invest. then some butches were ogling at us.. sigh... -.- and yeah i was irritated. the reality of homos and cutting ourselves is there. and it's so real. like super. honestly i don't know why they do it. i guess they xiang bu kai. but still. you know it scares me. it scares the shit out of me. not that i distance myself from this people. of course not. i just look upon it as different ways of dealing with problems. but i don't know how they bring themselves to do it.

and, i think i am one who is liable to do it. i don't know. i'm just scared. people can't tell. nobody can. they look at me as if i'm this babe with no problems, this crazy girl. yeah. i'm called ding dong. haha. english teacher gave me that name. it's scary, how i've ever thought of taking my own life. i really really really really thank God i'm alive. man, i need to learn how to deal with stress and problems. it's freaky. i'm scared. i really am. especially the day pastor talked about how even christians can take their own life. how even christians can fall into depression. nono. i don't need counselling. i hope not.

today xiang was telling me about how my senior got into triple science and she's super stressed and she's
cutting herself. ah... what happens if i can't deal with the stress in triple science? trust. again the word pops up. so hard.

thank God for friends. seriously. i wouldn't know what to do if i didn't have friends. thank goodness the suicidal thought hasn't entered for quite a while. praying about it. don't need counselling. haha. thank goodness i don't. i don't want man. i don't want to worry my parents unnecessarily. please Lord, keep me sane.

yeah, scaring myself. never talked about this openly. guess this ain't something i would share so openly with everybody. oh man, can you imagine where i would be if i didn't have christian parents, friends? suddenly i appreciate church and the lessons i learn each week sooooooo much more.. can you imagine if God didn't love me? without His love i'll be so much more stressed and depressed. haha. thank God for laughter.

thank you Lord. :)

so they said.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Hihi. haha. today rocked! started with me feeling rich and nice and I bought a lot of chocolates and sweets for chimes. but we didn’t’ have chimes, instead we had handbells in the sanctuary where we can’t eat.. sigh. haha. so joyce and I finished the whole thing. best. mhmm, yeah. then sunday school tr mary taught, jojo taught me how to eat oreo without dirtying my teeth. haha. suck it! -.- yeah, but it still tastes as good lah. then, they bought me a cake, thanks dru!! :D you rock. It was delicious!! my favourite chocolate truffle. the guys rock lor. allister, matt, nat . they’re super sweet! haha, gave me a whole whatchacallit of kisses! hershey’s kisses. man, they rawk.. somehow, I’m attracted to chocolate, very attracted. haha, eat until siao, I’m so going to grow ooba fat and fall sick. but who cares.. :D uh huh. then.. couldn’t find daddy, wanted to give him cake. L

then teen’s worship I went SUPER hyper. I was screaming and laughing like mad, super exciting leh. I really enjoyed it. We learnt about choosing the broad or narrow way. I thought the false teachings were scary, they really confused me, if a false prophet came up to me, I think I would just die lah. then had camp briefing. Eh? I thought jie and lori not going for camp, they plonked their selves next to jojo, joyce and i.

Joyce! haha, so sorry, I called her clare and joanne. best.

lemme continue, then, my father.. liew.. he embarrassed me again.. sigh. cos he was talking about our teams, then yeah, talking about same coloured shirt, then he said “like my daughter” I was like crap, and he didn’t stop.. no he didn’t. he continued saying don’t know what I wear the same orange tee everyday, that’s why it looks different cos it gets darker and darker.. liew.. I sank to the ground.. haha. pray tell why I always get picked on? during teen’s worship. Ai leen was chairing then she said creepy crawlies, so I don’t like creepy crawlies, and I gave stephy that yucky face. and ai leen said camille is thinking why is this person so weird.. I was like.. erhhhh.. ok…. :S sigh.

then, haha. kor. stop being so aa, dancing like a fool. haha. :D oh, we were looking at the maris stella yearbook. TRYING to look for cute guys, but yeah. maris stella where got cute guys. look at the result. *coughs* -points at daddy- yeah. woah.. daddy can sing super pro lah.. everybody, wait until easter!! you’ll get to hear. super nice voice. eh, I’m not biased ok! he’s good. mummy man said like josh groban.. haha. joyce and jie said it was nice too! haha. yay.. go daddy! woot! and qin ai de mummy man, suddenly said when we were walking out that jie and I are alike.. *gives rach and jojo youknowwhats stare* hmm. ok…………. haha. was playing catching with qin ai de mummy man with a box. liew.. I think it was very funny. cos t Joanna gave me this box to pass to don’t-know-whats-her-name the singy teacher. evergreens person with powderful voice. yeah. then she took the paper inside and left the box with me! like huh!? what am I supposed to do with the box?! ooba farnee.

yupyup. I’m getting scared for easter concert. in a month’s time leh! handbells I’m forever lost lah. ahhh! die. haha. I think everybody better pray extra hard man. haha, pray extra hard for zhihui too, she’s super stressed over actions. :D poor thing. yeah. mich was pmsing today, or so I heard. woah, sounded scary. no offence. :S yeah.

ah! can’t wait for camp! totally can’t wait man! yay! rejuvenation.. here I come. “fruits” :D jing going to play squash with me. lucky ah.. I was scared nobody was going to play with me except mike. oh no.. but this week is going to be super stressful.. OM is due this saturday, everybody, please please please pray for me. I seriously hope I can live through this week. and it’s supposed to be a good week cos.. *cough* somebody’s birthday. :D haha. sigh. instead. oh no, can you believe that one term has already passed, and honestly I think I wasted the whole term slacking. cam! please.. wake up. streaming know! you wanna get into trip science, your grades better buck up babe.

The Lord has given me the opportunity to study, whether I want to use it or not is my choice. my results are what I reap after I sow, depending on how much I sow huh.. sigh.. crap, comp is in 14 days time. stress. omg. save me! I’m really drowning in stress. sigh.

anyways, got to do homework. tata.

so they said.