Wednesday, March 31, 2004
hello. just got back. omg. i'm super tired. haha. bag was super heavy and yet had to go all the way to city hall, dentist, then back again. aiyo.. haha. so tired. walk so much. thank goodness i didn't collapse. hhaahahhahaha. OMG... MY RUBBERBANDS DON'T MATCH AT ALL!!!!!! hahahahahahaha. pink, purple, orange and lime green. please. hahhahahahahhahaha. yah lah. becky sure suan me. no colour sense. it's not my fault, it's herditary. hahahahahahahah. whoops. haha. it sucks lah. the lime green is sticking out like a sore thumb. i wanted orange, pink and lime green. but 3 a bit weird. so hm.. deedum. added purple. and what do you get. mismatch. it's ok. i AM a mismatch. crap lah. singing for easter with this stupid colours. haha. it's ok. hahahahah. no it's not. don't care. the good thing is that i can't see it. so i pity all you people who talk to me. :D haha. i'm getting my voice back. thank goodness. i lose it every sunday. after blasting my sop 2 part in rach's ear cos zhi hui sings so loud. and my dear rach is always getting lost. poor rach. haha. my teeth hurt, can't wait for church on sunday. i can't go on saturday. stupid om. haiz.
deeda. during pe, we got to play squash. haha. ms neoh allowed us to. ohoh! anybody knows miss neo? acjc hockey player?? ok my comps hanging. stupid comp. aiyo.. yeah. anybody know who? short, quite cute. not pretty. just cute. long hair. yup. and we played 2 against 1. gloria and becky against me. liew.. bully sia. hahaha. i thrashed them. -grin- 9-1 9-1 hahahahahahhahahhaha. :P i'm at my peak now. yay. :D hope it'll keep up until next thursday!! mg match. really want to play my best. sigh. i think i sounded very selfish today when i was talking to xiao xiang. cos she asked me will we win? then i was like we better, i train so hard for 2 years then we don't win. then she was like not just you the whole team mah.. yeah. crap. i really didn't mean it that way.. haiz. sorry. slip of the TONGUE. cursed tongue. yup.
oh man. honestly, i really want to get stripped off my captainship. just make youn-know-who the captain. you know you want her to be the captain. liew.. i'm damn -slap- irritated. ergh. i don't know a single thing. and i mean a single thing. i'm the last person in the whole team to know what's happening. it's damn -slap- irritating. seriously. then. they're having a squash outing. and i'm the last one to know too. it's pissing. it is. then they asked xiao xiang. then xiang said she couldn't go. and know what the girl said to her. "oh, means cam won't go either right" WAH LAO.. you really are pushing it. i'm going to swear already. ergh.. what the... i don't mind quitting squash NOW you know. i can train on my own outside. i'll find my own way to the nationals. what's the point of being in the school team, when we're not even a bloody team??!! i get scolded when the team doesn't have team morale. when you all don't even include us lah. i'm sooo not the ring leader. i know that. i don't have to be. don't want to be. i don't understand you all. i try to mix you all. it's like mixing oil with water. do you know how difficult it is. you're not even trying. i hate getting stuck in the middle. why do i ALWAYS end up getting stuck in the middle!!!!! i've spoken to you all once.. why? cos the team was so seperated, people came to talk to me about it. and asked me to talk to you guys. to put away your personal differences. you all nodded your head. obviously you were rollling your eyes behind my back. i don't take it personally. but do you think i actually care. i sound damn -slap- bitchy. but i'm really pissed. on one hand there's the coach. on the other hand there's you all. you're so freaking sticky you don't open up. you can't see it. i can. i can see the people who are left out and trying to fit in. you're not giving them a chance to fit in. i don't care if i fit in or not. that's so not important. i want the others to fit in. the bitchy ones are you guys. wah. you're making me hate squash. i dread going for trainings. why. cos i have to face this everytime i go there. talk about polarization lor. liewww. so what if we play good. we're nothing if there's going to be this seperation because of personal differences. i'm not blaming anybody. i'm blaming myself for being the suckiest captain. sigh. i'm seriously disgracing the Lord. some kind of christian leader. sigh. i'm super disappointed in myself. aiyah. don't want to talk about it anymore.
sigh. sorry. i didn't mean to call you guys bitchy. you guys rock. it was just in a moment of sheer rage. i'm sorry. ai. i bet you hate me already. so it don't make no difference.
oh. lil josh is going/went for his operation. wonder how it is. hope it went well. must continue to pray for them. i can't empathize with aunty cheryl cos i'm not a mother. but being almost a woman. i guess i'll be really REALLY really whacked super hard if me son had glaucoma. not sad. maybe sad. i don't know. but i know i'll feel a LOT of pain. and i can bet you that i'll question the Lord. that's me and how much trust in God i have. aiyo. "why do i keep on asking why" from broken vow. haha. like that phrase. i really must stop questioning God, and submit to His will. "Your will, not mine" haiz. somehow, i always struggle before i submit. why can't i just cancel the struggling bit and go straight to submitting. bleaugh. oh well.
had lit test today. yuan kheng rocks. she was telling me all the points before the test. cos we knew all the questions even before the test. haha. :D naughty sia. i really hope i can pass. really. i can't afford to fail.
omg. tomorrow's sports day!! haha. and april fools. haha. running 4x100 last runner somemore. crap. ahh. i want to play pranks!! haha. sho naughty. must think carefully. have i mentioned my teeth hurt. cos they do. haha. know what. i wanted to run for squash. hmm. 8x50 but nevermind. i shall not comment. i really feel like quitting. ergh. k. hm..
well. i better go and bathe i stink!! haha. :D tata. today can take a break i hope. super tired. next few days going to be ooba stressed!! ahhh. kk. wish me luck. tata. doubt i can blog. but yeah. will try. bye!
so they said.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
ah. hate myself. i've been gossiping. and i've been thinking the worst of people. sigh. how much i hated people gossiping about me.. and yet i can still do it. about who? my own friend some more. -shakes head- i'm such a sucky friend. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to doubt you. i really didn't.
gossiping. omg. a lesson very well learnt. one of the biggest lessons learnt. lessons i really appreciate. i'll always remember that lesson in primary 5. with tr carol. i don't know how or why, but that's the only lesson which i remember apart from memorising psalm 23 which stuck in my head till now. but it's really meaninful. i remember how tr carol stressed how uncontrollable our tongue was and how evil it was. after that i've always wanted to conquer my tongue. my gossiping stopped incredibly after praying about it. that was something good. but like all other sins, it comes back once in a while, and catches me off guard. yup. i used to gossip A LOT. i think now, it's better though sometimes, i do catch myself. but it's a constant reminder, especiallly by my parents, nothing nice to say, don't say. . and now, when my friends are all gossiping. i just stay quiet. it's a tremendous amount of constant effort. but i think it's worth it. when all the glory goes back to the Lord. i better start working on my other parts of my life too. like qt! sigh.
hmm. talking bout stuff like this is really good. yeah. i must now think of two areas in my life in which i have to overcome. hah. i know. 1. my swearing. 2. laziness. i think i'm going to have a SUPER tough time dealing with laziness. and i mean SUPER. i'm always giving in to laziness. yeah. sleep a while more. a while more. then wake up, rush to do homework. produce crap. honestly, i don't know what happened to the old me. which was soooooooo guai. i used to finish all my homework on friday so that i could enjoy my weekend. now. it's cos i'm so busy. but still. i don't plan my time well. aiyo. i'm forever telling people i've got no time. no time my foot. if you slept a little less, blogged a little less, smsed a little less, talked a little less. you'd have a hell lot of time.haha. yup. better get back on track.
know what. i'm tempted to take bio, chem, full geog, half lit. honestly i'll take anything half lit. haha. whee. i'm tempted to drop the idea of taking trip science though i love science so much. haiz. pastor mitch's talk is still in my head. "sacrifice, something's gotta give" i can't bear to give up anything. squash, prefects, academics. the most i can do is drop trip science. any suggestions? i'm really afraid i can't cope. i will get seperated from most of my friends. but yeah. that isn't the priority. if i'm going to flunk everything and start cutting myself, i don't see how that's going to glorify the Lord. then i'm not going to take triple. my parent's haven't raised the issue yet. so yeah. just comtemplating on my own, then maybe we'll talk it out when the time comes. but i think. i really need to think and pray about it.
so they said.
Monday, March 29, 2004
this was yesterday.. haha. lousy comp. sorry.
sigh. today sucked. like TOTALLY. the only thing which managed to improve my day, was that i was in church. but it was baaaaaad. started with me waking up and getting a scolding from my mum. once again she threatened to leave without me. and she complained that my room was too messy. and she confiscated my allowance. sigh. i was like. ah.. whatever, don't ruin my day anymore. sigh. but yeah. it got worse. first, i was super unfocused during sunday school class. sigh. sorry teacher mary. btw. happy birthday. sorry we didn't get you a cake. i really didn't know.. haiz. next week huh. yeah. then. teen's worship i was better. yup. choir and handbells, really tired me out. and i caught myself complaining about it. ah.. sigh. well. once again, i have to say that the actions rock. jie and ade rocks!! uh huh.. handbells. haha. ok. not as lost. and again.. my voice is gone. i quote min " i feel as if there's a golf ball in my throat" haha. as in.. it's painful. yup.
oh man.. today's the first day of the week and i'm already like this.. please.. i 'm just going to die during the week. AH. today 'that feeling' came again. sigh. almost did it, but i didn't. i just sat there and kept crying. i think i'm mad. argh. was super stressed. i've been in church since friday night until today. didn't get to touch my homework. haven't studied for my tests. i'm super screwed. especially for lit.
i was in the worst of moods just now. yelling at everybody. i yelled at my mom. i told her i didn't want to answer any call. then after that she called me. and i stomped into her room and yelled WHAT!? omg.. haiz. i suck. but i've calmed down already. sigh. i hope. yah..
tomorrow we're playing rg. haiz. not scared. i feel super indifferent. ah. was super pissed. everybody kept smsing and calling me about squash. here i am trying not to think about squash and there everybody is bugging me about it. STOP IT.. PLEASE!!?? honestly, being the captain means a lot to me, but i feel like resigning. i cannot take the stress of everything. just watch me, i'm going to break. i don't think i want to do trip science. come on.. i can't even cope now. that day nic was asking me how i juggle church, school and squash. i was like i don't know. pray? i do pray. but sometimes i do doubt God. i think i fit Thomas the doubter's role. haiz.
yeah. omg.. the movie was nice. but scary. a bit. aiyo.. everybody in the theatre knew it was me laughing and screaming. i didn't mean it to be that loud. i'm sorry. it really was accidental. it's a natural reaction. i'm sorry everybody!! i really am. :S so paiseh.. haha. the breaking of the legs and cutting of the ear just totally freaked me out. i still can remember.. the cons of having a photographic memory. gross. i still can see it filming in my head!!! ewwwww. super gross. i can hear the sound of the ear being cut off and the legs breaking. AHHHHHHH. then today, they showed some pics from "passion" OH MY CRAP! i'm sooooo not watching it. i think i'll just cry and wet the whole seat in the theatre. thank goodness i'm not allowed to watch it. just seeing the pics already cry lah. aiyo. i know i'm a coward. but also, it's the person on the cross which makes the difference. my sins drove those nails into His hands, my sins was the whip that tore His flesh off, my sin was the cross He bore, my sin was the crown of thorns on His head. can you imagine. i'm one person and i sin so much, imagine the whole world's sin!!!! i got a bit lost in the narration. i can't look and understand the pics and listen to the guy talk.. so i was quite blur. chimology. and honestly i was getting quite irritated with the guy saying "i tell you the truth". i only understood when Jon told me like 3 hours after the movie that itr was "most assuredly i say to you".. a bit slow huh.. a bit. yeah.. oh and so sad the book of John doesn't have my favourite phrase "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" that's the ultimate man!!!!!!!!! well, overall it was a good experience. thanks pastors! ss teachers! and everybody else!! i really appreciated it. :D
after the movie rach and i wanted to take neoprints. BUT. yeah.. jojo and sawah disappeared. and for the millionth time that day, dru was lost. haha. :) but she found us in the end. think she was in quite a bad mood. yeah. we had nobody to take with.. but haha. in the end we took with min and ade!! yay! they're super cool lah.. ou xiangs rock!! humph. wanted to take with man and jie.. chey.. so bad. deeda. but yesterday was fun! thanks nic. she brought us shopping. bought our panties and shoes. haha. the cute ballerina thingy. i wanted slippers.. but tis ok. i better wear these shoes. i paid for it. with my one money lor. mum don't want to pay for anything. humph. then still take away my allowance. so nice eh..
haha. don't care her.
yupyup. omg it's super late. but i don't want to stop blogging. sorry, i never blog for 2 days. hehez.
well. i better go and study. well, yeah. tata. :D
so they said.
hi. :) updated yesterday, but wasn't able to post it up cos stupid comp too slow. haha. :D watching people's animations. k. i suck i don't know how to put in up here. ok. nevermind. you don't want to see it anyway. deeda. got not much to say right now. later got hcl test. whoops. screwed. i think i'm super screwed.
lit too. die. whee. k. i shall stop thinking about this week before i get stressed again. sigh. oh. rgs later. ahhh. scared. i wasn't scared yesterday, but now i am. i must start mentally preparing myself. they won't be as easy to beat as nanyang. ah.. i can't play hard games. irritating. i think i'm playing fourth. he didn't tell me the line up. but i THINK it's 3,4,2,1,5. i'm preparing to play fourth.. must pray later. everybody except me is studying chinese. oh no. dieeeeee. haha. nia mind. whee. i'm super not hyper. but nevermind. we're wearing the super ex nike shirt. which is supposed to be for golf not squash. ergh.. haha. but the printing is quite nice. :D i think. my friend and i are comparing layouts. haha. ooba dumb.
erm. nothing to say. really. can't think when i'm here. aww. i really miss church. so sad. can't go for ypg on saturday. don't even know if i can go for choir. stupid om. ergh. sports day's on thurs. uh oh. haha. how long i haven't run. running 4x100 and 8x50 i don't think we'll win but nevermind. we're getting bandanas. haha. who's intelligent idea. *cough* hahaha. we're getting orange and pink!! whoohoo! my colours! woosh. if only our squash shirt was orange. haha. :D deeda. ok. i'm super bored, and quiet.
can't wait for church this sunday. that's the only thing that actually keeps me alive through the whole week. i look forward to church.. haha i always count down. if not ah. i'll die. kk gtg. bye.
so they said.
