soliloquy.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

i've got nothing to say.
but ouch.
i told you so.
you told me no.
crap.
i'm starting to rhyme.
how bout this last time.
i'm losing it.
should stop right now.
ok.
whatever.

so they said.

whee. i'm super tired. ow! i'm jinxed. everytime i use this computer. i get injured.. ergh.. i've scratched my foot again.

ah!!! last night rocked!! yay. :D i think we did well. go bethany choirs. my mum actually commented that the soloists were good. wow. i was like yah. rachael rocks.. haha. trying to hint. trying to shun. yup. rach sang sooooo well. but she's not my ou xiang. can't be. she's super not ou xiang material. uh huh.. saw something yesterday. all of our jaws dropped. but. yes. i shall stop. OW.. i got stomach ache.. very painful..

hahahahahaha. yesterday was the funniest. rachel saw me naked 3 times!!! hahahaha. wah lao.. we laughed until we cried lor.. liew.. everybody. don't get me wrong. it was SUPER accidental. really.. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah. ow.. it's making my stomach ache worse.. but it really was DAMN -slap- funny!! hahahahaha. first. i wanted to ask rach whether my top was ok. so i asked her to come to my cubicle. and rachel screamed.. cos i wasn't wearing anything at the bottom... HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. everybody in the toilet was laughing and laughing. yup. then after that.. jia qi was trying to help me tie my skirt at the lift lobby, and my skirt fell off. omg. i think yesterday.. was my SUPER suay day. yup. then. haha. rachel and i were changing in the handicap toilet. and she was still looking and i took off my clothes. hahahahahahahhahaaahhahahahhahaha. that one wasn't my fault. she didn't turn around. then.. the last one was we were both facing the mirror in the handicap toilet talking to each other. and suddenly i took off my top to change.. hahahah. rachel screamed again. and we started laughing like siao.. wah lao.. i think ah. i've got a screw loose. i totally didn't realise what i was doing at all lor.. poor rachel. at least it was rachel man.. haha. min was like.. oh tomorrow you sure have sore eyes.. fooine. hahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahah. i'm laughing ilke mad here. aiyo..

liew.. i'm super tired. once again.. smsing late into the morning. haha.

desperate. not what i would call. isn't in natural.. i guess. considering all those i know are like that. well except some exceptions who aren't at ALL. haha. like m.a.n. haha. hmm. i don't know. a bit harsh. not something i would say. especially not about. don't know why. i just can't freeze. i just can't. i'm really trying. don't know how people do it. it's too warm to freeze. nobody's even feeding it yet it remains warm. though it feels cold. confuzzled.

ooh. saw grace again yesterday. jem keeps saying not his girlfriend. when i asked him, he said she's just a firiend he's trying to bring for the concert. so that day when he brought her to church, it was to show a sneak preview. ok... if you say so. rach liked her earrings. omg. rachel.. you're so materialistic.. haha. and camille, you're so superficial.. haha. joanne. you're soo.. joanne. sarah.. you're so flirty.. ok. i was joking. sarah is boy crazy. yup. that's a better phrase. ;D

AH!!!!! potato came yesterday. wah lao.. i didn't get to say hi to him.. ergh.. think it was the guy wearing blue, with specs. crap. jem was pointing me out to him. but i just ignored. yeah. didn't know it was POTATO. crap.. humph. hope he comes again. i confirm go say hi.. haha. potato rocks. i think. he's friendly and nice. :D

deeda. man says i wrote a thesis in my blog.. and she only read halfway.. haha. it's not a thesis. it's just that i talk a lot. and i've got a lot to say.. haha.

oh. i'm really happy. min's mum. aunty loe sin. or loe sim. yeah. after the concert she said. actually i don't mind going for bible study!! wow.. our concert was able to impact her life. her mum and dad really liked the youth choir performances.. :D haha. i think we always 'steal the show' this is their second concert.. i think they really enjoy our concerts. whoo. i'm really going to pray that all those teen's whose parents aren't christians and their kids are really trying to minister to them. wow. never realised it was so hard. min told us she's like been trying forever. i think i've really taken for granted that my parents are christians.

woah. i'm really learning a lot of stuff this easter.

yeah. i hope my friends are coming tonight! yay. actually i doubt all of them will come. so sad.

deeda. going for the national tryouts thing later. i've got the "don't really wanna go" feeling in my tummy right now. it's not the stomach ache. i just don't want to go. but i always get this feeling. and when i follow it, i always regret it. and i when i don't i have fun.. and i regret having the feeling. but this feeling is strong. woah. can't decide. i really can't. actually i should reason it out right now.

ok. i know i want to get in, but realistically. i know i can't cope. that already is a definite no. yet i keep telling myself can. but i know i can't i'm already dying here. sigh.. ok. i shall decline. -heart breaks- but should i go? coach says it's once in a lifetime. but jie says. if i'm really good. they'll keep asking me to join. ok so i shall stick to school team. and if they don't want me back. i'll accept graciously. i'm not going to glorify the Lord if i fail all my exams.. yeah. so i shall decline. and if i go for the tryouts i'll be late for choir. erm.. how. i can't decide whether i should just turn up and listen. but i know.. i'll have second thoughts about declining if i listen.. aiiiii. talk to somebody. hm.

kk. sad. bye.

so they said.

Friday, April 09, 2004

aiyo. what's wrong with this thing ah. i can post don't know how many messages and only if i post another one then only will the one before will go up. get what i mean? so yeah. if you see blank messages. it's cos i'm trying to get my messages up.

omg. depressed. my computer's spoilt! using my dad's. argh. no. all my pictures and documents. i'll be SUPER depressed if i lose all of them know. i really hope it doesn't die on me. pleeeease. no...yes. my dad's back. ask him to repair for me.

yay. can't wait for tonight. bringing glory to God. that's what i want to do for Him tonight and tomorrow. my friends are coming tomorrow. i think. :D yay. i hope. they said they would.

poor angma. she's still brooding over our loss. she keeps blaming herself. it's not her fault. it's so much more mine than hers. i should have.. ergh. nevermind. i think it's everybody's fault. including tan's. you don't want to admit. fine. be that way. you were too sure of yourself. you were so sure nicole wasn't going to be number 4. you were so sure. that i wouldn't meet her. i'm not blaming you solely. it was my fault. that i put so much trust in you. this isn't going to ruin our already ruined relationship. i'm just stating facts. the cold hard truth. i should stop talking about this. yay. no training tomorrow. can take a break. can't be bothered to do my homework today. i'll just prolly stone around. but i'll prolly end up studying. haiz. whee. don't want to do homework.

ok. i'm really tired. feel like sleeping. whenever i'm home i feel like sleeping. i've still got a LOT of emotions inside me. yeah. had like 3 nightmares last night. aiyo.

OH MY GAWSH! know what i was watching just now. i was watching BARNEY!!!!!????? -SCREAMS- AH!!! I LOVE BARNEY! HE'S COMING TO SINGAPORE! IN JUNE! ANYBODY WANT TO WATCH!? COME AND WATCH WITH ME! AH! i miss barney so much! i want to go and hug him! woah. i remember watching barney when i was younger. i looooooved him. i don't know why. i still do. haha. :D rollie pollie ollie still rocks. but barney. is a legend... forever and ever.. but they've changed barney soooo much. i miss the old barney. remember min? i don't know what you call her. american chinese? don't think she's eurasian. she's a chinese with an american accent. prolly born there or something. bet she's quite big now. i used to think she was sooooooooooooooooooooo pretty. haha. i still like her. my neighbour sarah likes barney too. haha. the only difference is that she's 3. haha. i can go to her house and watch barney. i think i'll enjoy it more than her.. haha. she's got how many barney vcds. my parents only bought me one. i've watched it like 20 times.. but now it's lost... so sad. I LOVE BARNEY!! but no barney merchandise please. i don't like plushies. haha. ok. wait i don't know what plushies are. i don't mind stuff toys. but i don't like impersonations. like toy barney. figurines and stuff. they're sooo not original. everybody can buy one. humph. haha. i prefer watching them on tv. whee. i remember barney used to be 4.30.. i think. or was it 5.30... i remember plopping myself in front of the tv and i always remembered watching it. ahhhh. my childhood years.

so fun. i don't remember a lot of things. only a bit. haha. jon remembers me telling pastor charlie that i got 100 for all my exams during camp. haha. i remember when we were at city bayview. all the kids would always rush to sit with pastor.. haha. that was our batch lah.. haha. and pastor would always talk to us.. make us laugh.. and taught us many things. i remember it was him who taught me how to place my crockery after i eat.. haha. i'll forever remember.

haha. and xiang said. last time i smsed her saying. the first thing i knew when i was born was that i rocked. i think i'm repeating myself but who cares. i think it's super funny. i can't believe that i said that.. hahahahahahahahah. i know i'm ego. but not THAT ego. haha. sho funny. whee. aiyo. i remember the fight we had. the 3 mosquitoes. fight and cry. aiyo..

hahaha. rach, jojo and me. haha. know how we started. last time it was only rach and me. and jojo used to be SUPER loner.. haha. every sunday in bethany 2. she would sit on the swing by herself.. and watch the guys play basketball or soccer..haha. then my mum actually came to talk to me. ask me to go and make friends with her.. what the.. haha. so we did. and i don't know what happened but 3 of us became best friends. hahaha. and i remember super clearly what happened. but i shall not say. but yeah. it was so bad that aunty sally and pastor charlie came to talk to me man.. hahahahhaha. i remember. all in primary 3. yeah.. then ok already. shall stop here. yupyup

and i remember aunty chiew used to call us 3 mosquitoes. somehow we were quite close to her and benk. now no more liaohx. haha. aiyo. i remember.. she gave me my first bra.. -.-' liew.. i think about it. and i laugh like siao lah.. and ben was the one who passed it to me. she bought it from isetan. in the blue paper bag. and she wrote my name as kermil. whaat. yeah. then ben happily added a stroke and it became kermit. idiot..hahahaha. the things i remember. i remember A LOT of things. i remember chimes. please. we were the original ones lah. aunty sally formed us. and we used to practise.. hahahha. wait. yeah. then there was this point of time i really like josiah and zachary. don't ask me why. i also don't know. they just clung on to me. and i quite liked them. yup. and i remember when i was performing chimes. i just kept staring at them. then.. aiyo.. i remember i was playing c5 and i remember we were playing 'Jesus loves me this i know' yea. i just kept smiling at them. and i was the last note. and hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i just stared and stared. then the song was about to end. then the rest of them turned their heads and glared at me.. hahahaha i was like huh? OH! DONG.. hahahaha. wah lao.. ooba embarrasment. haahahaha. the whole sanctuary laughed.. so paiseh!!!!!

anyways. yeah. i gtg. lil clippets of my childhood. see how bored i am. i wanna go out!! ah.. k. tata.

so they said.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

to continue before i was interrupted. hmm. yeah. i wasn't supposed to cry. remember. crying means bad sportsmanship. sigh. sore loser. haiz. pride. irritating. i'm super happy tomorrow's a holiday, so i can sleep in. i'll prolly wake up at 8? 9? yeah. i wanna go out. mum sure won't allow. i better start studying for mid-years. it's in one month's time. am so screwed. haiz.

just got home from church. omg. i was SUPER hyper. hahahaha. screaming and laughing like siao. ok. a lot of funny things happened. but yeah.. can't remember. jon rocks lah. he's super funny. should i promote him after him being demoted how many times already.. haha. :D yeah. anyways. whee. i daoed kor. accidentaly. hahahahaha. cos i was super hot then i wanted to go into the fellowship hall. then i pushed rachel all the way in. and then i told her if anybody tried talking to us. i'll just say. ok goodbye. haha. meant it as a joke. then jojo called me. CAMILLE CAMILLE! then i said. ok good bye. then. she came into the fellowship hall. ben was calling you, then you didn't hear. so i helped him by saying camille camille, and you happily said ok goodbye. omg. that was SUPER funny. I fell onto the floor and laughed. haha. :D then pastor mitch daoed me. when i waved to him. and we burst out into hysterics. and rachel tried to push the door which sign said pull. poor rachel. haha. :D

omg. news spreads VERY fast in church. and i mean VERY. with loud hailers like jon, jie and my father. who needs... ok. i presently can't think of what i need. yah. sorry. but i get what i mean. yeah. haha. everybody came up to me. asking if i was ok. haha. *COUGH* I SHOOK SOMEBODY'S HAND. no, actually SOMEBODY SHOOK MY HAND. hahahahhahahaha. *COUGH**CHOKE**SPLUTTER* unfortunately i'm not dying. i'm just trying to hint. but i don't think anybody will understand. hmm. i shall say something. "i know it doesn't mean anything but yah, i'm just being dumb" geddit? you're prolly not reading this. but nevermind. and. please. it doesn't mean anything to me. it's just my ou xiang shaking my hand that means a lot to me. hahaha. don't get wrong idea..

my father just came in. don't sleep too late. yupyup. i won't. hmm. i wonder if Jesus got arrested already. i think He did. as in how many thousands of years, this time. woah.. today's message was power. HOW MUCH DOES JESUS MEAN TO YOU. know what. i don't know.. prolly really little. sad huh. i was quite unfocused during the service. everything i thought of linked back to today's defeat. sigh. yeah. know in one of the songs. don't know what. something about even during gloomy days, Mary was able to something.. i can't remember what. i really can't remember.. haha. but yeah. i was like. hey. why can't i do that. actually if it wasn't for church friends and God, i'd still be wallowing in sadness. thanks people. you really REALLY make my day.

yup. talking about Jesus' love. listening to "the greatest love" song.. sigh.. no love.. woah. ohoh. yeah. then in the last song or one of the last songs we sang today. then don't know what. demands all your life or something like that.. yup. Sawah didn't come today. was at tchs doing i don't know what. aiyo. yup. i'm super tired. can't be bothered to stop.

sigh.. my friends know me so well. haha. my welcome message on my phone also they understand. wow. i think you guys really rock. XD yup. i was so hyper that i'm actually tired. i feel like smsing late into the night.. BUT. have got nobody to sms. anybody wanna sms me? haha. :D yup. k. better go. nitez.

nono. shan't go. yay. tomorrow's good friday. have i mentioned that. wow.. that was fast. OMG. i just realised that it's already april. 4 months ago. kor told me he was leaving early april.. so sad..everybody. stop migrating. stop leaving me.

kor: i think i'll just die if you leave. i'll have nobody to cry to. nobody to cheer me up when i'm depressed. nobody to encourage me with loads of verses. nobody to explain stuff i don't understand. nobody to comfort me. sigh. but if you got to leave, then yeah. go. you still owe to 2 treats and a hug. haha. :D love you loads!! :D

shall go. nitez

so they said.

trying to control it. but can't. didn't know you could make me hurt this much. didn't know you could make me cry that bad.can't decide if i hate you or love you.

procrastination. haha. my mcflurry melted. aww. ahah. that's how bad my procrastination problem is. woot. tomorrow's a holiday. can sleep in. i seriously want to go out.

yeah. we lost. 3-2. again. de javu. how you spell? dejevu? ok i give up. pronounced. dei zsha voo. haha. yeah. i think. haiz. depressed. oh i thought i was farting real bad. and i realised my phone was vibrating. haha. -.-" sorry. haha. ok i just burped. gross. haha. so unladylike. but please.. i soo can't be gu niang. haha. whee. i'm sad. i really wanted us to win. haiz. over confidence? haiz. don't want to blame anybody but myself. some lousy captain. i'm really sorry sc. my fault. i let you all down. i really did. my bro just came in. " i heard you lost" haha. peeg. yeah. then happily dangling medals in front of my face.. aiyo.. haha. stupid boy. staring at my food now. haha. as i was saying. ah.. why did i cry?! no. i told you not to cry. what kind of christian leader are you. coach said to go in with our heads high. i went in with my head high. haha. i've never seen myself hit so hard in my WHOLE entire life. i'm not joking. i got 5 handouts. woah.. not bad sia. that was what i was aiming for. haha. i got 3 points! whoooooo.quite happy. ran a lot. as usual. crashed into the wall record braking!!! only 2 times!! haha. i chased nicole out of the court. i open door for her. then she don't want to go out. ask me to go out. then i was like "go lah" hahaahahhahahahaahahahahah. i think i sounded rude. but i didn't mean for it to be rude. :D it was just a casual remark. ahaz. nicole's not bad. but she made quite a few mistakes.. haha. i earned one handout by myself ok!? whoo! backhand cross court. i'll never forget that.. haha. she had trouble returning it. whee. haha. i'm sorry. not meant to be sadistic. but. i really am happy that i got that. haha.

after today. man.. my confidence level of getting into nationals dropped like by 10000 notches lor.. haiz. where's drusilla. supposed to come over to my house. i'm going to leave without her lah.. yeah. nationals. 1,3,5. 5-9pm. liew. i sleep at 9.. haha. joking. somemore kallang is so far away. yeah. but. sacrifices. aiyah.. don't even think i'll get in. getting a grade. dream on lah.. i bet i won't even get f lor.. aiyah. cam sucks.

haha. jon, jie, raph, mike. thanks for coming. you guys rock man.. ahha. all four of you my ou xiangs somemore. haha. :D oh. haha. everybody thought jon was my brother. they claim jon looks like me. what the.... hahahhaaahha.

omg. i never realised that losing was sooooo demoralising. as in not losing. but.. losing the championship trophy. omg. my heart broke. i didn't dare watch the game.. sigh.. this is EXACTLY what happened last year lor..

sigh. ok i shall stop talking about squash. omg. i'm consumed by squash. yupyup.

haha. i've got fans. i don't know if it's a prank by another of my friends.. haha. they tagged my other blog. they said. that i'm really nice and stuff. she wants to be my friend. or something liddat. yeah. and her friends dared her to tag my board. or something. :S yeah. confuzzling. they've been stalking me.. or something like that.

makes me think of what happened in primary school . shall not say it here. in case.. yeah. coach just smsed me. thanked me for putting up a brave front. no. i cried! i wasn't supposed to cry!?

dru's here. yeah. gtg. tata.

so they said.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

jealous? gah.. (quotes jojo) not looking anyway. shall stay focus in my super unfocused life.

tomorrow is D-day.. OH.. MY... GAWSH. i'm freaking out. i'm actually scared. and i don't get scared over squash games. usually. i'm getting minor heart attacks. a LOT of butterflies. stomach ache.. lieww.. i'm super scared. i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY want to win.. haha. i'm sure my whole team does.. well guys. it's the last lap. let's finish it with all we've got. *crosses fingers*

cam, don't freeze in court. don't you DARE freeze in court. play your best. my coach says that kim(no. 2) and i can beat all four of them. of course not nicole lah.. but the rest. but. my no.3 don't know whether can beat or not.. that's why i'm getting worried. he's going to sacrifice becky and gloria to nicole.. wonder who is going to meet her.. i really want to meet hannah or gillian. really really. i want a good game. haven't had one yet. and also. if i meet one of them. we'll have a higher chance of winning.
the anxiety is driving me mad!! aiyo.. cannot. my hands are icy cold. i'm starting to shiver. is it cold? or is it the fear? the long awaited match against mg. must psyche myself up. but also. cannot be a sore loser. captain, don't blame anybody. i'm sure everybody will play their best. remember, who ever calms down first will win. ignore the crowd. concentrate on the game. don't concentrate on her game. concentrate on yours. sigh. after tomorrow. i'll take a super short break. maybe like one week or something. then. i'm going to train like mad. i really want to reach pam's and nicole's standard by sec 4. which is national standard. even if i don't get in. it's ok. i'll just play for sc. and i'll join safra. i think donna sure get in.. proness. i want a personal coach. who should i get? aiyo. don't want school coaches lah. maybe zainal? don't know. either that or i have to train by myself. but what good is that. ok. concentrate on your exams first can. june i don't care. you can go to wherever you want to go. train 4 times a day also i don't care. please. you've only got one month to go. you better start studying. i refuse to let you screw up cam. please.

ok. sorry. i'm talking to myself.haha. retarded. whee. i think i'm consumed by squash.

yeah

ok. yup. good friday is drawing nearer! yay.. i better not scream too much tomorrow in case i lose my voice and then can't perform on friday and saturday. yay. my friends coming on saturday. whee. i think i'm just repeating stuff unconciously though i hate it. aiyo. haha.

i'm very tired. i think i shall go and sleep now. haha. :D nitez. hope i can sleep,. :S

so they said.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

aiyo.. i bet all my friends who have blogs are all writing about today. sigh. is everybody getting their period or something? what's with the pmsing? sigh. why does everybody hate our class so much?

haiz. started this morning. who's fault. mine. cos prefect's have duties in the morning. then i finished mine. and i was chatting to somebody. and the vice head came and asked what we were doing there. and then stupid me had to say. i finished already. then.. yeah. after assembly. the whole board got scolded. sigh.. he was like. you finished your duty, why can't you go and help the other prefects!

then. went back to class, class was super quiet cos just got scolded. my partner had to tell me what happened. yup. then. during form's lesson. i drank water. CAMILLE! NO DRINKING WATER!? me, oops. sorry. DIDN'T XINYING TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING?! me: -puzzled look- XINYING! DIDN'T YOU TELL CAMILLE WHAT HAPPENED. xy: erm, i missed out some parts. sigh.. sory xinying. that really was an accident. i didn't know..

then. class reps. told us that teacher's complained we have attitude problem.. sigh.

assistant form's lesson. lectured us for 20 mins. and made us write reflections about how our class spirit has slackened. must explain why.. sigh. my friend's were super pissed. i just didn't talk to them. or like made a joke out of everything. i'm not pissed. just troubled. by many things. why does everybody hate our class so much? from my friend's "pissness" i could see the pride.. the "rebellionism" the "zi xin-ess"

why can't they just humbly accept the scolding? i realise that some people cannot take scoldings know.. they just argue and argue and argue. me? i was born to take scoldings. last time, when i got a scolding i used to cry and cry and cry. the first scolding i ever got in school was when i was in primary 4. i forgot to buy my mental sums notebook. woah. i remember it so clearly.. haha. yeah. i remember miss ee scolding me. my 2 major scoldings were in primary 6. one as a prefect. another as yellow team captain. omg. i cried. i really cried. i still do. but not school teacher's anymore. i've grown up. and yeah. i've learnt how to take scoldings better. i still do cry sometimes though. i really must learn to accept scoldings, and change. sigh. i'm really trying VERY hard not to get angry with my teachers. i really am trying VERY hard.

omg. i've got eyebags! i'm so dead. my sec 2 year has really deprived me of my sleep know.. i've never had eyebags.. got my exam timetable too. sigh. better start mugging. well. going to take a nap. going to do homework, study, train, din, study.

so they said.

Monday, April 05, 2004

hm we won. 4-1. liew.. so sad. we wanted them to beat them 5-0. but sigh. shan't blame becky. i'm sure she's feeling horrible too. it's ok becky. we still love you!! :D yeah. showed biasness again. but now i just ignore it. he put becky last so that he could come and watch her game. and purposely put her against the best player. it's ok. sigh. yeah. my game. 27-2. omg. so pissed. haha. stupid 2. it's called the sin of complacency.. aiyo. *bish* hate myself. should have been 27 -0 haiyo..... ergh. yeah. very tired. but i'm going to train again later. last lap. i must reach my peak. and play my best on thursday. give it all i've got. ALL i've got.

OH MY GAWSH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? i'm going for national try-outs on saturday.. i'm super excited. me and no. 2. kimby. whoooooo! i'm really honoured. even if i don't get in. it's ok. :S must mentally prepare myself for thurs.. match against mg. and mentally prepare myself for saturday. even if i don't get in. cannot be upset. what happens if she gets in and i don't? cannot be sore. must psyche myself up.. haha. wow.. my dream.. nationals.. but i must keep on reminding myself, no matter what the results are i MUST submit to the Lord's will. i MUST. be it good or bad. i'm getting nervous for thursday. haiz.

woah.. my whole squash team except xiang is coming for the concert. dajie, erjie, nat, shi hui maybe coming too. then there's jinz. should be coming. hmm. xinying and cheryl? then there's my om group coming. whee. yeah. really want to reach out to jinz.

hm. today. we were talking about accepting Christ. a few of us squashers. then becky came and said to stop talking about religion because it was a touchy topic. hm. if it's a touchy topic than why do we want to witness? sigh.. don't know. i remember once we got pissed at each other over something. i guess. yeah. my fault she thinks it's a touchy topic. i like talking to my friends about christianity. because.. i know that there's that common ground that we believe in God. but the fear that someone may oppose my beliefs strongly or i may say the wrong thing always lingers. sigh. don't know what to do.

haha. today was super funny. during recess, we were having a funeral march for our om props. walking around the school. how retarded. hahahahhahaha. the funniest thing is that i walked into a pillar. and i mean walk.. haha. i knew it was there. but at that moment i forgot and i crashed into it. and i fell onto the floor. everybody went into hysterics. omg.. honestly i don't know how i did that.. i didn't think it was so near me. and i happily walked into it.. aiyo.. hahhahahahaha .very funny.

hmm. must prepare myself for Good Friday/Easter/ Thursday's match/ Saturday's national thingy. woah..

yupyup. well. i better go and train. tata. -grin-

so they said.

yesterday's post.

ditching. sounds harsh. but yah. it hurts. but who says i can't live without you. i'm trying to. painful. very painful. but no pain no gain. not out of bitterness.

pastor was so right today. about how we were just going through the motions. that's how i was feeling. sigh. sorry. i kinda screwed stuff up. missed so many of my notes. made mistakes in singing and actions. losing my voice. losing my reason for singing. no wonder ai leen kept stressing it yesterday. better find it back.

omg. today t chung spoke about one of my favourite verses. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" woah.. i don't know why. but everytime i reflect about it, my heart just melts.. seriously. the thought that strikes me is.. woah.. so wei da. sigh.. Lord. how do you forgive so freely? How could you forgive me?

it was my pride and arrogance that drove the nails into His hands and feet. my greed and ingratitude that crowned His head with thorns. my hatred and prejudice that pierced His side. You paid in a currency of pain and death. looking upon the cross, i realise that those are my sins. like the prisoner said that He was blameless. yet you remained there. You knew You could have come down.

5 songs come to my mind. my sin. Ten thousand angels. You never came down. How could you love me so much. above all. songs which we sang today. how apt. really. overwhelmed with so much emotions.

yet.... i don't respond? like who said today.. it DEMANDS a response. some kind of a child of God i am. sigh. yeah. at least still got one more week to prepare.

tomorrow, playing against faifield. i haven't trained since monday. crap. i'm so dead. prolly go train in a bit. who cares about dinner. lose some weight. it seriously sucks being fat. haha. aiyo. my brother. my little brother. had to come and suan me about my arms. he was like. "jie, you're arms very funny. cos you so small, then you're arms so big" omg. i swear i could slap him... but. it's true. he's not the first to say that. how many million people keep saying that i'm super muscular. especailly for my size. i know i'm small lah.. stop rubbing it in. i bet my becky's going to grow taller than me soon. bleagh. hahahahahha. he's so cheeky right. but yeah. today we were having quality time chatting in the car.

haha. i got new chio bu. sui hui. i think she's so sweet. her character really really really really makes her look sweet. haha. people like me will never be sweet or chio. please.. haha. whee. oh yes. and i stress. i AM straight. humph. no. i'm not a butch. i admit i have a girlfriend.. and a mistress. haha. not really. but yeah. haha. i AM straight. people just think i'm shuai. i'm a cute eurasian guy. looks like utt. want to take photos with me.. but yeah. it's just an act. my name's shane. haha. nice nume huh. :D yeah. there's this super dumb pic. with one girl with her arms around me, and my girlfriend is trying to pull me away.. hahahahahahah. thinking of it makes me laugh..

yesterday, min asked me the weirdest questions on earth. "why are you always so jovial and happy" i was like... HUH!?!? hahahahahahahahha. please.. i'm so not. but come to think of it. why am i happy? i don't know. i really don't. there's no reason for my hyperness. it's moods. but most of the time i'm in a good mood. i don't know why. *scratches head*

AIYO.. and what's with her ah!?! pick on me the whoooooole day. sigh. i'm not pissed. but i want to know when i ever crossed her path. is it something personal? in her bad books? or is it suay suay always kena. and then.. aiyo.. during the "debrief" practically everything's got to do with me. aiyo.. undergarments lah.. don't wear black. ergh.. weird methods to deal with it. well. not my fault, we didn't have anything right. humph. yeah. then.. hairbands.. hair flop over.. suan lah suan.. haha. i'm going to cut it soon. i hope. yeah. super long liaoh. cannot style hair. aiyo.................. ok. then cannot pin just one side. i help chio bu pin one lor.. panty line. then keeeeeep on staring at my side. think i don't know izzit. hahahahhaahha. morning also come to me, say must change top. ask me stop talking. scolded me not to run. not to push.. sorry cherie. accident. :S paiseh.. really sorry. bleagh.. suay day or suay day..

k. nevermind her. hmm. whee. haha. cherlyn's skirt fell off!! omg!! so paiseh! so poor thing. i would scream man.. haha. anyways. i think i still got stuff to say. but i've got to do my homework.blog later or something. tata.

so they said.

this is saturday's post.

hi tamooi! ahhh!! hihi! haha. i just received your letter! -muacks- thanks! :D

omg.. severe breakout. irritating. NEVER EVER put poster paint on your face and leave it there for 2 hours. woah.. gross. and until now, the nail polish still can't come off. eww. i realised my hair's too long. it's SUPER long. couldn't spike it at all. it looked super duper gross. hated it. got a lot to say. ok starts.

1 april. april fools. sports day. hahahahahahhaha. stupid dajie. pulled out from discus. so who has to take over? poor me.. omg! i just realised that i went over the number of events i can take part in.. whoooops. :O who cares. haha. anyway. i kinda got scolded. the teacher was like camille, focus! so sad.. i threw out all 3 throws. haha. best. nvm. always have next year.. i hope.. yup. then had to rush off to 4x100 yay.. we came in 3rd. so i got a medal. last year also. always end up as last runner. better. i don't have to pass the baton to anybody. so that's good. omg.. i tell you. i've never run so fast in my whole life. i ran like crap lah.. after i crossed the line. i stopped then i just stood there and screamed.. haha. the teacher's were like staring at me. must have thought i was siao. yup. so sad squash 8x50 came in 4th. prefects came in first!!! whoo! hmm. seniors cried cos we lost. honestly, i think whatever the reason she cried. i think it just shows that you've got bad sportsmanship. sigh. hope when i lose i don't cry or throw my temper. *crosses fingers*

yeah. friends came over to do om. omg.. i slept at 12 doing the props lor.. irritating. they left at 7+ dajie rocks she stayed until 9+ lor.. liew.. love her!!

oh. some kind of friends. play april fool's trick on me ok. humph. there were 3 of us. why me!? they said. cos i was the stupidest. humph.. fiiiiine. haha. yeah. they told me they lost our backdrop. liew.. i believed them.. omg. i hate them lah.

oh trang and becky prank called some people. haha. woah.. super funny man. i laughed and laughed. i was covering my mouth and rolling on the ground lah.. aiyo.. super funny. haha. they were singing invisble by clay aiken, in a super yucky voice.haha. sorry horz. all in the name of fun. :D hope those people we called enjoyed it.

2 april happy berfday t aldine!! haha. :D yup. i actually remembered ok!! haha. :D yeah. friends came over again. 8-12.30 then we went for spontaneous. think we did quite well for spontaneous!! yay. we were laughing like crap in the room. aiyo.. cos. yeah. spontaneous is part of the competition "odyssey of the mind" it's a problem based project. and it's a national competition. so suay our team won our own internal competition. yeah. spontaneous. can be a lot of things. shan't elaborate. but ours came out as they giving you four phrases one which your story must start with and yeah, you take turns to tell the story. will type the story another day. too lazy to type now. yeah. then went for sc choir concert. woah.. our school choir is SUPER pro. the girls can sing fantastically well. omg.. i was cheering like mad. pissed off the people in front of me. i'm sorry!!!! accident. :S took a lot of pics. haha. wormy's going tonight

today. hm. think we kinda screwed our performance. well we reap what we so.. so i guess. can't blame anbody but ourselves huh. haven't gotten the results yet. doubt we'll win. our score was ooba low. haiz. nevermind. :S omg. i'm super tired. kk. shall go sleep. nitez.

so they said.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

can their thinking be the same? is it the same reason? i don't know. i don't want to know. i daren't ask. sigh. coward. i don't want to hurt.

very tired. went to hit just now. a bit rusty. considering i haven't hit since monday.. haha. and going to play tomorrow. how ingenious. :D yup. kevin was hogging the court just now.. irritating. he's not the only one with competition tomorrow man.. i think both of us will always be fighting for the courts. haha. deeda. yup. still got some homework. tomorrow's fairfield. i think all of us aim a 5-0 win. hope we can do it.. mtan wants to test some people.. hm. always testing everybody but me. don't like thinking of him. again i'm third player. horrible. to win. we need 3 games right. yeah. then first two if we win. i'm deciding match. if we're 2 down. i'm to hold up the fort. talk about stress. woah.. i haven't played under severe stress before. will be faced with it on thursday. i really want to win. but. i must also prepare myself if i lose.. cannot cry. some kind of sportswomanship. i will hold my tears until i reach home.

crap.just ripped off some skin on my foot. aiyo. so klutzy. haha. that's just me. :D super accident prone. haha. i was teaching chio bu (sui hui) actions when i punched jojo in the chin.. ahah. OMG. THAT'S SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER CORNY. joanne chin. punched joanne in the chin omg. i just realised that corniness is out.. haha. don't know.. people used to say corny. now it's lame and whatever.. aiyo.. so dumb. today. sunday school t mary used the word consumed by. she was using an example of a tennis player. tennis/squash. close enough. and how one kid loved tennis, yet took time to read the Lord's word and did his homework properly. then the other kid. was so CONSUMED by tennis. he always gave excuses.. sigh. why do i always end up like the latter. sigh. i better start on my qt. that's what i said last week. but nothing happened. i totally forgot. aiyo. *bish*

am i consumed by squash?

oh. finally found the nice smelling shampoo which i've been looking for for such a long time. but i couldn't find until now. well that's cos i had to finish the wrong one which i bought before i could by another one. i think i'm SUPER smart. i wanted to by ginvera green tea. i bought follow me green tea. man.. am i stupid or am i stupid.. sigh. born loser. seriously.

talking about hair. i want to cut.. it's so long!!! but my mom doesn't allow me to. she says. i don't want you to cut like a guy.. come on. aiyo.

omg. i loooove ben bratt. haha. he's so shuai. especially when he smiles.. -melts- sandra bullock is the BEST. hahahahahahhaha. i only watched the last part of miss congeniality (ok. so i can't spell. i told you, i'm a bit mentally challenged) but she made me laugh like crap. except that i don't know how crap laughs. sorry. didn't mean that. but haha. yup. ah. she's sooooooooooo pretty. gorgeous. haha. funny. funny and gorgeous. total knockout. woah..

whee. have i mentioned that i can't decide. i really can't. should i take triple or biochem. sigh. i'm going to take bio no matter what.. haha. physics. like nevermind. i can't do it.. haha. but i can't decide. i'm struggling now.. how to cope next year. next year will be worse. if i want to get into combine schools thingy. prefects. captainship. academics. honestly. i can't be bothered with getting academic awards anymore. i just want to maintain can already. just don't drop class. do my best. i know i can get the book prizes if i studied. but. don't want. i'll aim for the sports awards. but yes. must be all rounded. therefore i'm in sc!! whoo!

my foot still hurts. and my father's chasing me off the comp. yeah.

i want to know the answer. yet i don't. i don't dare ask. what if it's true. i don't want it to be true. no. but it may be true. i don't know. i can't tell. something's different. is that the answer? or am i once again. jumping to conclusions. aiyo. since when have i been so wishy washy? usually. i'm straight to the point. but. aiyo. the truth may hurt? ouch.

kk. gtg. nitez.

so they said.