Saturday, June 12, 2004
thanks? i guess. but thanking you would be rather ego on my part don't you think. haha. laaa. i'm a BIT hyper. damn. no comp AGAIN. why. cannot. haha. gonig to malacca 2mr. going to miss chimes. somehow. i'm like missing out on everything. sigh. but i guess. it's a blessing in disguise? makes it easier to run away? but. i don't want to run that much. do i? sigh. whatever.
whee. farewell was SOOO fun. so irritating. i still got thrown into the pool after incessant screaming that i was having my period. thank goodness i wasn't the only one. haha. so yeah. another girl was stuck with me. both of us didn't dare to come out of the pool and we didn't dare open our legs. haha. it was SUPER funny. my friend had to run up to get extra shorts for both of us and get extra panties. after a loooong while in the pool, we finally ran out and quickly changed. woah. super cool. they actually like had a suana in the toilet. so a few of us were roasting there. and we were drying our clothes. haha. i was eating chocolates and taking pictures. haha. but it's not on this computer. on my comp. i'll post it up when i get back. my comp's stupid. forever dying on me. sigh. irritating.
aiyo. everybody! i declare. i'm STRAIGHT! omg. haha. make fun all you want. but still. i'm straight horx remember that. haha. kissing someone is way over the limit. aiyo. so what if we're close friends. you've got to be kidding. haha. but it's ok.. all in the name of fun. but yeah. i'm STRAIGHT. remember that. poor you. always end up with me. everytime a boy girl role, always both of us. haha. sorry larh. i didn't drag you in. we're too pei already larh. haha. eeeew. sorry. ahha. just joking. but yeah. don't worry. treat you like my lil sister. but soon you'll grow taller than me. :P aha. the pic was gross. it really looked as if they were kissing. haha. we tried it before but it didn't work. ahah.
so many decisions
i don't know where to start
do i go with what my head tells me
or listen to my heart
standing in the middle
i'm truly overwhelmed
by all i'm trying to handle all by myself
out on the edge
with You as my centre
the point around where all my world revolves
every question can find an answer
-every problem can be solved-
things seem clearer and i can see You work
but only when i first
make You my centre
...
sigh. thanks. really apt.
laa. i need a new diary. mine's finishing up. ahhh. so fast. haha. :D ooh. i want a guitar. how many million gazillion times have i said that. i don't know. bart. i know i want one. my parents both said can already. just need to be at the right place at the right time. AND i may geddit. whoo. getting cramps AGAIN. sigh. alright then. shall go sleep. ciao. going to miss my comp and phone AGAIN. sigh. so near yet so far.. ahha. :D
so they said.
Friday, June 11, 2004
deedum. i'm either pmsing. which can't really be happening. or i'm really pissed. not
really pissed. but as in. truthfully. not very. haha. WHY am i explaining myself. ok yeah.
i hate it. i HATE it. i hate it soooooo much. Fish. if i could i would show you how much i hate it. i don't know why i still don't hate you. i hate what you're doing. but i don't hate you. hm. sigh. get me wrong, don't really care. don't need to explain myself. you tell me what's the point. oh. i see. so this is the way you do it. ah. i totally understand. don't know why i bother understand. this is so not camille. who's this. woah. this is damn scary.
you're scaring me. shit.
whatever. i know i've got no right to be angry. why i'm venting i don't know. why on you. i don't know. what i don't know. or rather i don't wanna know.
why. why. why. why. i need you. i swear. i'm sorry. i need you. you're
KILLING me.
another brave front. tell me. how many brave fronts do i have to put up. feel as if i'm using up my brave fronts time and again. like i'm running out of them. i guess. i've used them for good causes many times. but. it's running out cos i'm running. but i can't stop running. what am i going to do if i don't run. but in those cases i can't show my true emotions. i'm supposed to be the one they depend on. come on. be a strong friend. i'm sorry i wasn't there just now.
i.. i...i... don't know what to do. i'm loss for words. i'm paralyzed with fear. i would be. i do so want to help you, save you. tell me how. there's nobody to tell me how. nobody to teach me. nobody to talk sense into me. man. i need you. sounds gross. but. i do.
alright. stop. pray. i'm trying. i'm really trying. ahhh. God. hear me. PLEASE. stop. hm. ok. -inhale & exhale- x1000000000
whee. <- that was so fake. hahaha. i'm really smiling now. whee. <- that's real.
guys are scumbags. seriously. woah. f-them. pardon the vulgarity. man. guys don't have black sheep they're mostly like that. tell me not to stereotype. [what's prototype???]i won't. there are "a few good men" that few. the rest are such jerks. jerks i tell you. idiots. i like the phrase scumbags. mwahahaha. alright. i shall stop insulting the male species. alright. shall insult the superior species. *cough* feminist *cough* haha. joking. nono. we're soooo not superior. we suck as much as they do. hey. i've seen LOTS of bitches. and i'm only 14. imagine the number i'll see when i grow up. yeah. women are disgusting creatures too. they hurt guys too. seen 'em. haha. women are so shrewd. shrewd by nature. lots flirt too. i HATE flirts. haha. i'll hate myself if i catch myself flirting. gross. argh. imperfection disgusts me. how. HOW does God still love us.
mwahaha. thou shalt not condemneth. mwahaha. alright. please. i'm a woman to be anyway. i'm insulting my own kind too. haha.
"it's so amazing" "amazing grace" You're the best. will never understand how You can do it. don't question God. =)
#there is none like You
no one can touch my heart the way that You do
i could search for all eternity long and find
there is none like You#
why apologise. tell me the point of a sorry.
*i've never asked for more than your love*
~you're you're my number one
i'd do anything for you
catch the rain from the sky
even hold back the tide for you~
-s club-
whee. forever love them. haha. think they're a legend? i've been searching the whoole day. well. actually almost the whole day. looking for ray charles lyrics. and i can't fine. :'( talk about sad. he died yesterday i think. then mr ronald reagan passed away. don't know when but very very recent though. yeah. sigh. so sad. okok. shall go. i think i've vented enough. somehow it always ends up. haha. sorry. =S haiyah. wdv. sigh. interpretation. t.. t.. ah. shan't. did it once. and now again.
----
I'm not sayin' i have all the answers
And i don't care who's right or wrong
I'm tryin' to pick up the pieces already fallen
And put them back where they belong
So slow down your horses
Stop draggin' me around
And if cryin' is the only way into your heart
Then leavin' is the only way out
We've slammed every door in anger
And we've opened wounds we can't mend
And one night lonely is one night too many
Don't wanna wake up to one more night that won't end
So slow down your horses
Stop draggin' me around
And if cryin' is the only way into your heart
Then leavin' is the only way out
When late nights and long lies came knockin'
You just invited them in
And our voices got too loud for talkin'
Then my heart hit the floor
But your feet just kept walkin'
And if cryin' is the only way you hear me hurtin'
For the lovin' that i can't live without
And if lovin' ain't the only way into your heart
Then leavin' is the only way out
Oh, leavin' is the only way out
-shania twain-
whee. those phrases are sooo me. chey. i bet she copied me can. haha. yeah right. i'm juts joking. :D haha. oh man. it's so late. looking forward yet dreading. yay. got indi 2mr. think he's going to kill me training. think i better like take panadol before i start. omg! i actually swallowed the chopped up panadols. *standing ovation* i've like never ever done that. wow cam. i finally did it. yay. thanks mum. :D i was having really bad cramps larh. then. my cousin gave me the panadol pill. then my mum chopped it up into 4 and i actually took it one by one and swallowed it. i used to need people to smash it up and dissolve it into water. mwahaha. but i really couldn't take pills last time. i used to vomit everything out and feel worse. haha. alright. gtg. nite.
so they said.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
of all the things i had to let go, i miss you the most
man. i'm super siannnn. haha. don't know why. there's like nothing to do. during this holdidays. except squash. liew. sigh. :'( thought i loved squash. woah. why is everything i love short-lived. i know why. you're not there. sigh. please come back. how do i. i don't know. sigh. i've done it so many times. too many times i guess. haiz. i must determine.. but there's no determination left. there are so many buts. so many hows. so many whys. sigh.
misled. been misled. "have been". woah. no idea how much i hate that phrase. hahahaha.
whee. don't know how. but i won my match today. i've lost the x-factor and i don't know how to get it back. without the x-factor i'm just deproving like crap. argh. somebody help. who's going to help. sigh. playing my sec 3 no. 1 tomorrow. so crappy. once again. i'm seeded 5/8? disgusting. humph. haha. stuck there. piggy. just joking. not like i can get any further at the rate i'm going.
shit. having cramps. aiyah. stupid wireless. how many million gazillion times already. sigh. bleeeagh.
haha. whee. found better ones when it happened. but still. don't like. sigh. alright. nvm. laadeeda. i'm super tired. k night.
so they said.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
cute korean boy!
so they said.
ever since you "left" my life has been in ruins. woah. seriously. everything that could possibly go wrong did go wrong.
eh. stop larh. please. it's getting annoying. i guess i know how you feel.
ARGH. it's continuing. bleagh. i hate girls. NO. i'm NOT a butch. as in i hate the way girls think. really do. hah! i'm a GIRL! i understand. wahaha. yeah. anyway. it's really bitchyfying. VERY. it's so sickening. keep them for youselves. seriously. like i really care. i know ANYWAYS. ergh. why must you keep doing it. somebody tell me. why must this irritating cycle keep repeating itself. YOU. YOU went through it before and now you're unconciously making people feel that way. so WHAT if it's unconcious. hello. you should be making the concious effort not to do it right. sigh. sad know. how many times. and there i stand helpless. watching "it" get torn right into 2. sometimes even more. talked about it with them. i really felt uncomfortable talking about it. so i changed the subject. sigh.
memories i'm uncovering myself. man. i'm super the gongdong larh. bleagh. stupid cam.
whee. watched harry potter. my favourite. whee. my brother scolded me again as USUAL. omg. s'poreans are SO hostile. especially that small boy. who's such a jerk. i knocked something of his down while i was coming back from the toilet you see. and he gave me a dirty look. seriously. i would have pointed my middle finger at him larh. such an idiot. i already apologised. you wanna shine torchlight for me to see in the dark. liew.. such an idiot. and i think it was a small boy. i would have sat on him. haha. man i'm violent. whee.
deedum. thinking less. isn't that good. yeah. ooh. cute guy. he looks like a girl. but. i like. ahh. there was a green shirt guy. and a guy who looks like the green shirt guy. but they went back before i could take pic of them. so saaaaaad. hm. :'( but. i don't think i'd dare go up to them to take photo cos they're prolly the same age or older mahh. yeah. the lil boy was younger for me. hehez. yup. k. veh tired. ciao.
so they said.
Monday, June 07, 2004
woah. i FINALLY can put pics up here. wow. after like. ten million years. haha. whee. that was just a testing photo. haha. dumdeedum. yeah. alrighty.
you did it again!! it's irritating leh. hhaha. wrong place wrong time. haha. that's sooo kimby n me. whee. i'm going to post like ten thousand photos here. whee. veh tired. nitez.
so they said.
t chee keen so extraded!
so they said.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to describe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
ooook. right. whether it's true or not. i wouldn't know. haha. so scary. manipulative? mwahahahhaha -evil laugh- eeh. actually this person sounds damn bitchy. haha. man. i really must be a bimbotic bitchy butcher butch. lieww. haha. i'm NOT a butch larh. humph. haha. stupid eleanor. ahha. everybody thinks i'm a butch. haha. and they keep making fun of me larh. 3 adjectives to describe me. short, fat and dumb. sigh. haha. they were chanting it over the dinner table. so mean right. haha. laaa. but. the trip was SOOOOO fun. whoo. haha. :D yay. might be going to malacca on sunday. sundays always get affected. so sa. omg. it's already 2. i wanna go sleep. i'm still really tired. couldn't hit properly today. a bit siao. haha. i'm really surprised that my schizothingamagig is moderate. haha. whee. dumdumdumdum.
a lot happened there. don't feel like blogging. not really nice to blog about. sigh. but my teammates got into a bit of trouble. i didn't. cos my mum was there and so i went to sleep everyday at 11. haha. how retarded right. but still yeah. still my responsibility right. sigh. whee. blah. nothing to say leh. lots on my mind. no words to describe. k. shall go. buhbye.
Well I gotta believe
There's something out there meant for me
Oh I get on my knees
Praying I will receive
The courage to grow and the faith to know
----
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
Chorus:
When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul
Chorus
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
You'll break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can't do
No one can stop you, you know that I'm talking to you
Chorus
Young girl don't cry I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
-christina a.-
oooh. love this song.
so they said.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
baaaack!?!?! woah. i missed singapore like crap lah. woah. yay. i'm sooo happy to be back. :D yay!! but i'm SUPER tired. ok. shall go sleep. nite.
so they said.
