Friday, June 25, 2004
Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say goodbye
Never said that you were going
And theres no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much less unspoken
Since you've been gone
I have an empty space
I wish that i could see
Who's to blame
Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And no love does what yours will ever do
Tell me how am i supposed to live me life?
Without you
Cause i lost you
To the point i couldn't sleep
I worried i was dying
Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from crying
I tried to live without your love
Got so many memories
But it's not enough
Without you, where do i belong?
Without you, how can i go on?
And no love does what yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?
I feel hopeless and oh so alone
Like I never felt before
I don't remember what it's like anymore
Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And no love does what yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?
Without you?
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life,
Without you?
~kimberley locke and CLAY AIKEN
.withot you.
so they said.
sigh. it's scary how people influence you to like or dislike someone else. when you haven't even seen that side of a person. it's scary. VERY scary. can't say it has never affceted me. cos i think it has. conciously yet unconciously it did. whee. it happened again. but i won't let it affect me until i see it for myself. rather tough though.
pride. hate it. so tough to swallow. it's so much harder to swallow than pain. it's like the root of so many sins in my life. trying to be concious of if like all the time. but it's so difficult. sigh.
charlsey came home today. yay! woohoo. he was telling me about camp. not all of it. but i remember how i used to hate answering all my mum's questions about camp so i didn't probe too much. ahahz. yeah. but he had fun. man. he's exactly like me. so proud of him. hahahhahaha. :D but. there won't be another camille. haha. he'll be another george though. mwhaha. no other camille. haha. :D yeah. anyway. whee. we all have the same george volume and voice. loud and louder. and in the end we'll lose our voice. my bro, my dad and me. all the same. my mum is the only one. haha. sho dumb. yeah.
deedum. got paper cut on my finger. don't know how i got it. was quite painful long ago. ahaha. slow reaction.
liew later got training again. i'm not in a running mood. and i'll just pissed off by the coach again. like. sigh. squash is driving me mad. woah. lost a game yesterday. 3-1. sick. sigh. i was leading in the 4th set 7-2 then. she caught up 9-7. i was DAMN pissed. cos. i didn't know why i gave up. oh i do. cos i was contented the fact that i had fought so hard. and i've never "foughten" (is that a real word) so hard before. woah. i really fought. and. i know that i've got a VERY very VERY extremely weak mental thingy. determination. stuffy. don't know what you call it. but. yeah. whatever it is. i give up damn easily. and i hate myself to the core for that. but. it don't matter. i'm going to learn how to develop that stronger mindset. and i KNOW. i can win her with it. i am the underdog. so what. so what. if everyone's better than me. at the end of the day. i'm going to make sure that i'm going to be a better fighter. someone who through squash can glorify the Lord. i AM going to fight till the very end. until everyone can see that it was the Lord who can make me strong. am i making sense. haha. i don't know. it does to me. man. i'm going to work my shit out for the rest of the year. whether for squash or studies. so what if i'm afraid i'm going to falter. so what if i'm afraid i cannot cope. doubts have drowned out everything i've ever thought of until now. i'm NOT going to give in to doubts anymore. doubts make me go crazy. i'm going to stop thinking of the what ifs and the buts and the problems. i'm going to focus on the Lord. whether i fall. i'm going to pick myself up and walk right. again. i'm too pissed for letting go of the Lord this whole half year. i've got a LOT of catching up to do. and i intend to achieve it.
man. i better remember this resolution. hahahahahaha. i feel damn good now. yay. :D "dare to run, with our eyes fixed on Jesus"
omg. my mummy is annoying. haha. ugh.
whee. woah. last night was DAMN fun. whoo. haha. sawah called me at first and we were talking and talking. and then she asked me to sign into her account. so yeah. i did. and haha. i was pretending to be sawah. haha. and we were laughing like mad talking to shermie. (sherman) haha. first sawah asked me to ask him "so how's your sex life" hahahahaahh. man. so funny. then ahah. i was trying to be like sarah. haha. so i said. "I THINK YOU'RE HOT, i'm talking to the kettle. I THINK YOU'RE COOL, i'm talking to the fridge. omg. that did it. whoo. so farnee. hahahahahahah. was crying the whole night lah. yeah. anyway. so yeah. i'm the hot one and sawah's the cool one. yah.. whee. we love talking to household appliances! whee. haha. anyway. then we decided to have a conference call. so we called shermie. whee. yeah. then. we talked and talked. then he put down the phone i think. yeah. then we called. andrew. andrew foo. haha. to gush about cute guys. actually. A cute guy. arhhh. he's so hot! yeah. then he put down. then we called josh. and he was making me laugh like crap with his helio. hahahahahaha. sho cute. then we called sam.. haha. i told him he was supposed to prove that he was nice to me. which isn't a lie.i wanted to see whether he's so dao or not. haha. yeah. then we added shermie to the convo. and we were talking for super long. then we called hanwei. but he went off. and we were supposed to call another guy. but our dear sawah gave me the wrong number so i slammed down the conference. haha. so embarrassing. omg. i hate sawah. yeah. then we called andrew.. haha. :D so cool. and then we finally got rid of shermie i think.. haha. loads of funny stuff happened. will say later. yeah. and finally. 5 of us were on the phone. cos josh kept putting down cos he was out. yeah. so we made him do funny stuff. and i was crying and crying. omg. it was SOOOO funny. hahahaha. i was dying. haha. yeah. now for the funny stuff.
josh thought we were prank calling him. he's JSS. Josh is Super Stupid. haha. he STILL thinks egg yolk is white. hahha. HAHAHAHA. ohoh! sawah wanted to ask him the question again and she said "is egg yolk yellow or white" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH. omg. i was crying. ohoh. then i told josh "if you're not busy, we'll put down the phone" OMG. 3 of us were laughing like crap lah. aiyo.. lieww. can die. haha. and we were poking fun at everybody larh. hahaha. yeah. whee. now we've formed the phone club! hahahahaha. it totally rocks lah. it's made up of the 6 of us. haha. the gay trio, pinkiki, a bimbo and a ditzy.. hhahah. whee. :D sho fun. we have to do it again. larhx. haha. deedum. talked until 11 plus. until my mother came in and chased me off the phone. then, sawah who was hosting the conference call said she didn't want to be left alone with 3 guys so she left too. so that was the end. haha. and everybody was smsing everybody. yeah. and now i owe josh an ice cream and a drink cos we made him do something which made me laugh until i died. hahaha. :D shan't be so mean.. haha. sawah owe's him horse piss though. ahaz. we fooled josh into doing it. actually andrew did. haha. woohoo. haha. they all proved to be nice people. :D
whee. ok. now i shall go and sleep. cos i'm so tired from talking and laughing so much. although most of the time it was only sawah and me talking. whee. alright. I LOVE THE PHONE CLUB! woohoo. :D
so they said.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
hahaha. i hacked into somebody's account. mwahaha. :D so cool. "i'm so depressed, she doesn't love me anymore" i'm quoting sarah. nownow. sarah's not les. ok. she just admitted she is. mwahahahahaha. omg. i'm laughing like crazy.. omg. this is soooo farne. whee. got lots of stuff to blog. but then i can't concentrate. i'm like laughing like crazy.
i love talking to girls. loveit. whether we're talking about guys and girls. whee. i'm laughing like crap.
so they said.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
omg. i'm beeeeeeezeeeeee. haha. stop talking to me. humph. ahaz. :D anyway. yeah. "if you can cope" sigh. can i? i don't know.
likes repel. eeeh. magnets. magnets is physics right. damnit. i can't decide which stream i wanna take. sigh. not working leh. not that i even did it. ergh. sigh.
girly talk. love it. gossip gossip gossip. mwahaha. talking about super hot guys. i didn't think singapore actually had such hot guys. woah. but they're really damn hot. mwahaha. another fan club. 3 fan clubs already. woohoo. :D woah. he's damn hot. i cannot tahan. haha.
i've broken out in eczema. i don't know howwww to spell. haha. yup so gross. didn't do anything. such an idiot. again. being dumped on. bleagh. whee. think everybody's. damn tired. sigh. training's a killer. alright. don't feel like saying much. k. ciao.
so they said.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
whee. everybody could tell i was tired. haha. how? junior camp is sooo fun. can't stand it. i wanna go back tomorrow. argh. haha. after training. who cares. whee. i looooooove pastor. and seeing you all is really inspirational. deedum. i really really miss junior camp. ahaz. sketch was really funny. haha. t li yen is the best man. haha. seriously can make me laugh like crap. haha. and pastor was telling ding dong jokes which were really rather funny. ahaz. and lessons at junior camp are really still applicable. like the not liking to go to school bit. i was like nodding my head vigourously. and sot asked who liked chocolates. whee. i raised my hand too. ahah. i made myself useful k! i helped with the dishes. mwahaha. aiyo. and korkor raph made me cry!
him(when he saw me): "so where did you come from."
me: "my mummy"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. talk about kids say the darndest things can. aiyo. hahaha. i totally didn't realise what i said k. it was totally unintentional. hahaha. but liew. i laughed until i cried. ahhahahaha. sho funny. i still miss charlesy. haha. he's been asking ade when's my jiejie coming? izzit. ahah. i'm so touched. didn't know he cared. :S
so confused. whee. i'm really tired. ahha. looong day 2mr. shall go then. tata. :D
i'm still wondering how you reacted. though i want to know. i don't. hm.
so they said.
sandcastle granduncle, sandcastle great grandma, otter twin. seal twin/sandcastle baby.
so they said.
us.
so they said.
annoyed. i wanna go for the linkin park concert. arhx. humph.
once again stuff being dumped again. but it's ok. i think i still can take it. but yeah. i'm slowly breaking already. yay. going to visit charlsey now. haha. yay. i'm damn tired lah. our conference call thingy went all wrong. rach didn't wake up. and jojo didn't pick up the phone. damnit. haha. sho peegy. but nia mind. whee. super tired. super super super super tird. arghhh. haha. alright. shall go now. bored. bye.
so they said.
Monday, June 21, 2004
deedum. woohoo. we're going to have a conference call tomorrow at 0230. woah. that's like damn early can.. haha. to wish jojo a happy birthday. sho fun!! i'm paying for it though. hm. haha. it's ok. once in a while.. i guess. whee. deedum.
just wish you'd.. i've had enough of wishes.
i'm starting to hate you. though i told myself i never would. but i hate this. and i'm starting to hate you. nono. i don't hate people. it's such a strong feeling. okok. dislike. haha. dislike. hmm. but. i don't want to. thought you rocked a lot.
must i do it too. i don't want. but then it's not fair. but then. aiyah. everything's driving me crazy. sigh.
been having a bad tummy ache since don't know when. oww. nice pics eh? mwahaha. training today was quite slack. didn't do court sprints leh. haiyah. pisssed. not with not doing court sprints.
must figure things out. aiyo. don't know why i keep typing in a new paragraph. haha. sho dumb. today was rather boring. sigh. i haven't finished my homework. dies. who cares. aiyah. mum asked what stream i wanna go to. i said triple. sigh. i don't know what i want. i don't want to want. cos if i don't get it won't i be disappointed. bleagh. like the rg thing. hmm. i actually cried over it. omg. how stupid can i get lor.. aiyo.
- As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever-
#vit c
ahaz. a bit early huh. but i remember pri 6. omg. cried like mad lah.. aiyo. i remember getting into my mum's car and starting to bawl. woah. i got scolded though. ahahaha. i've always gotten scolded for crying. sigh. didn't make me any stronger lehh.. ahaz. anyway. memories. junior camp's been like the hot topic among us right now. talking about how much fun we had. and everything. i still remember when jojo liked benc what we did to her. and i still remember the letter we wrote to the 3 bens. man.. we were mad. and i remember how hard it used to be to wake stephy up. haha. i've always been the one waking everybody up. seriously. even now! during family camp and youth conference. haha. we're going to drop by 2mr. whee. sho fun! :D haha. :D man. i miss junior camp soooo much. sigh. i don't wanna grow up. hmm. laaaaah.
think i just spoiled it. bleagh. as usual. ahah. fooine.
ergh. pissed. really damn pissed. know what. whatever. i know everythings already going wrong. so yeah. i was just waiting for this to go wrong too. it never fails me it always does. thought we wanted to be like them. think it was just me again. don't think it'll ever come true. seiously. ergh. i wanna be like you. yet i don't. you're the ultimate *ahem*. sigh. i seriously look up to you man. un. aiyo. i hate this feeling. don't know why i dealt with it that way. just felt so erghed. i don't care no more. hm. think i'll just be quiet. can't be bothered to make anymore noise about it. i'm damn sick of this feeling and trying to solve it.
omg. this is the 2nd time i've gotten this kind of smses. i don't know what to do. ergh. this is rather irritating. people around singapore got nothing better to do izzit? people sms me. " i love you bitch" omg.. whaaat. i was tempted to reply. i love you too. but i didn't want to get into unnecessary trouble. and now. people are claiming that they've seen my number on the bus. this sucks lah. if it's a prank i'll kill the person. please. who'd write my number on a bus. you've got to be kidding can. now this person says. he's joe.. i don't know who the heck joe.. like whatever. i'm not going to reply. harumph.
have i mentioned i need to figure things out. really need to do it soon.
don't know why i try so hard. ergh. bleagh. alright. shall go. ciao.
so they said.
mimi the [cooked] crab! mwahaha. orange rules!
so they said.
the birthday girls.. i need a picture of fluffy now. ahaz. :D happy birthday!!
so they said.
jojo's 14!!
so they said.
the candles weren't even lighted! hahahahaha.
so they said.
happy birthday jojo!
so they said.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
can't stand it. everybody just totally ignores my busy status and just talks to me. ahaz. ok lor. fine. :P whee. i wanna go out with ade. ooh. she asked if we wanted to help with actions. like duhhhh. sho fun. loooooove actions. ahaz. so sad hols going 2 be over. . omg. 1 min ago the sky was so red. and now. the sky is black. not really. blue. grey? i don't konw but it's turning night already. the only thing i love about night is the stars. i absolutely love gazing at stars. whoo.
anyway. omg. today's messages, lessons were like God answering everything. WOAH. it was exactly what i was looking for can. seriously. everything that everybody was talking about helped. woah. thanks. :D so scary. my centre rocks. :D love it.
happy father's day! woohoo. omg. so sad. my dada was admitted to hospital on father's day. omg. i was sooooooo scared lah. woah. then so many people came to ask me how he was. yay. everybody rocks. whee. i'm going hyper. annoying. so alike. too much alike. it's rather freaky.
junior camp starts 2mr. aww. i'm going to miss charlesy.. :'(
i'm super annoyed. again. haiz. why? don't know. omg. today was sooo farnee. otter twin and i were playing happy bdae on the guitar. then we chased jojo out of the office. then when she came again. we started singing and playing. and she wanted to record it on her NEW
PHONE. which she keeps flaunting and keeps stressing that she knows the word dua. ahah. ook. man. damn annoying. figured anyway. idiot. anyway we were laughing and laughing like crazy. it was SUPER funny man. haha!!! yeah.
wish you'd stop it. really . haha. it's freaking me out like shit. haha. i know you don't care. wish i could i wish. sigh. nvm.
good luck for camp peeps. hm. deedum. the way it was. ahaz. warah is damn smart. she can figure out everything. stupid girl. i don't know if i want it that way anymore since.. argh. whatever. tired. bye
so they said.
