Saturday, August 14, 2004
sigh. still can't stand it. :'( i hate it. i HATE it. i dread every one.
omg. actions veh nice. whee. yeah. but i'm still so scared that we'll screw anniversary up. though i'm going to pray so hard we won't. and whatever happens it'll bless the Lord's name. ahh. yeah. :D ade ROCKS. woot. seriously. no. 5.. but still rockss. 5 out of 5.. haha.
grown up. think you're ready to be an adult. nah uh. 21 is such a dont-know-how-to-describe age. i want to be 21 yet i don't. i see from so many people's views. i don't know liaoh. and i think i'm just gushing nonsense right now. i'm SUPER tired. yeah. the fingers hurting thing from playing guitar is starting. and it HURTS. haha. my left hand lah. haha. and my arms from carrying it. but i refuse to give up. haha. no 4's my inspiration!! soo cool. -melts-
*yawn* gosh i'm so tired. SUPER. can't believe that i woke up at 6 on a saturday. had oral this morning. prefects mush usher and stuff.. so stayed till 12. when i could have gone home first cos i'm register number 1. haha. yeah. think my crap made loads of sense.. haha. kinda lah.
anyway. it's still sorta the same. but neh mind. was looking forward. hm. and where did the missions offerings go to? thought they said they were starting it.. then everytime. haha. i neh give. whoops. :S
can't wait for anniversary.. actually can. we're still not ready. and i've got nothing to wear. ok. know what. i need to sleep. nights.
so they said.
Friday, August 13, 2004
ok yeah. i GOT it. haha. it's amazing how people are SO easily influenced. it's quite scary actually. yup. neh mind i guess. it's ok.
whee. i got highest in class for science!! woot. that's an unbelievable feat. haha. but i was SUPER happy. i was clapping like siao. haha. but. yeah. 2 others share this glory. but for me. it's like once in every 10 monts kinda thing. ahaha. i RARELY top my class in something. haha. and to top if off. this was a REALLY tough paper. but i could have gotten full marks. aww shucks. ok. i'm sorry. shan't complain. cos i hate it when my stupid friends KEEP complaining that they got so low. when they got like how many billino marks higher than me. so i shan't harp about it. ooh. and it was a physics paper! haha. electricity and stuff. and physics is my WEAKEST science ever. cannot make it one. cos i can't draw for nuts. haha. thank you Lord. :D but i thank God for my horrible results.. think i got lowest in class for them. history and geog. MYGOODNESS. proof that my humanes SUCK. they really do. haha. lit. i actually passed. whee. haha. yeah. anyway. erm. yeah. now i know how much i have to catch up. i'm feeling the stress. considering that i'm really consistent in getting the lowest in class. whee. next paper we're getting back would be math. sigh. haha. don't have much hope for that one. my algebra sucks beeg time. haha. yup.
bleagh. hate it when people compare classes. like. everybody will go. i don't expect this from THIS class. sigh. expectations. all that crap. come on. we're normal people too. but our class is really very balanced. there are crazy ones. intelligent ones. woah. and we mix pretty well!! seriously. my class ROCKS. ok. i'm going insane. yup. i love singapore. i'm super patriotic. am i not supposed to say that i'm patriotic? cos it's being ego? but i'm stating facts.. hmm. :S ok. neh mind. ok. erm. i'm REEEALY proud of S'pore. history is so propoganda "ish" haha. but. no matter what i still looove s'pore.
deedum. super tired. SUPER. was sleeping the whole morning. and i can't stop talking about school. cos i don't really wanna think about anything else.
WHOOO. can't wait for church tomorrow. whee. can't wait for choir too!! i'm always like this. then after the performance. i get really bad withdrawal syndrome.. ahaz. cos i'll miss practising. then christmas will come then everything just keeps repeating itself. not that i don't look forward to choir. i ALWAYS do. but yeah.
anyway. dinner. byee.
so they said.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
ahhh. i'm so annoyed. i didn't get to say what i wanted to say. and i really think you're twins. why do you feel the same way. and end up telling meeeee. aiyo. haha. i can't do anything about it. and i get freaked out by twins. haha. as in THAT kind of twins. then again. you ARE related so yeah.. sorta.. i guess.
so annoying. haiz. haha. patience. gentleness. grinns. today was quite bleagh. got back results which sucked BEEG time. i hate my class when it comes to results. like i'm sitting next to the 3rd girl in level. and all around me are super hard working freaks. all my jies are freaking smart. STOOOPID san jie is the slackest person. but she's SOOO smart. i hate her. haha. i guess it's demoralizing. but yeah. it's ok. i guess. siiigh. stress.
stress. hm. which led me to. yeahh.. bleagh. talk about being haunted. worse than the other time. yup.
anyway. battling pride still. really badly. haiz. sad.. extremist.
watched the swearing in. it's SOOO cool. whee. my first time watching it. cos the other one i was like. 0 years old. Mr Goh swore in the year i was born.. haha. therefore 1990 rocks. whee. kidding. ok. i better go. buhbyee.
so they said.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
*yawn*
yeah. today was praying so hard. that the Lord will keep me unmoody and sustain me through the day. cos. yeah. training at kallang. know. had a beeg hooha. about it with my parents. don't think i'm supposed to blog about the squash thingy. not. the argument. haha. that one's looong over. but as in. why. haha. shhh. better not. learnt my lesson. -nods head vigourously-
yeah. aiyah. i don't know why my mom and i always end up quarelling. and my bro and i can get along so well now. haha. we even SMILE when we see each other. and we had a 7 min convo on the phone. can you believe how much we've improved! yeah man. must put in more effort. yup. but my mum and i.. don't know why lah. somehow always arguing. and she'll say like. okok. next time i should just keep quiet if not you say i... bleagh. yeah. it's SO annoying when she does it. and it's not even my fault, it doesn't justify an apology cos i didn't even do ANYTHING. she just takes offence at EVERYTHING. she's SOOO immature. she's acting like how i act when i'm annoyed with them. humph. she's SOO annoying. like today in the car. ergh. not just today. like it totally depends on her mood. she SUPER pmsy know. WORSE than me. considering i'm trying to control my pms. humph. her's is Permanent Mood Swing. sigh. and people are encouraging me to talk to her. why. hm. aren't our ages like world's apart. like what i'm going through is different from what she went through when she was a teenager cos the environment is totally different. so what if she's been a teen. don't tell me she's had the same kind of friends. teachers. everybody. so isn't it quite ridiculous to try telling my mum how i feel since it's different. like ok. i don't mind telling you how i feel. actually i do. i really give up. parent's are SO difficult. my father doesn't do anything. haha. i just talk crap to him. and joke around.. yup. he only gives me lectures when my mum tells him to. or when he just feels like it. and it's usually in the car. or when i'm in positions where i can't move. haha. that's why lorr. i give up.
i realised something. hm. i'm ashamed of my faith. and now. i'm ashamed that i'm ashamed of my faith. not ashamed. but. i really don't want to me labelled nor judged. it'll really hurt. like called holy, goodytwoshoes. and stuff. i really respect my english teacher, cos she stood in front of the class and yeah. was telling us that she was a christian like her religion is dadeedadeeda. yeah. something like that. i guess it was a bit encouraging. though she didn't share much. haiz. i don't know. why suddenly i'm talking about this. one of my greatest fears would be that my life and a christian's life don't match and that would turn everybody off. as in like. think that christianity is just another religion. when it is my life. then again. why should i be afraid of being judged. "love not the world" are my friends included? i guess. yeah. i know that as one body in Christ. i've got church people. but i still love my school friends.. :S if you're doing it for the Lord, why should i be afraid of judgement? i don't know leh. hmm. i'm rather demoralized thinking about thiss.
okok. i better go eat dindin now. buhbye.
so they said.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
thanks for acting like you cared.
gosh. seriously. nobody really cares. haha. but neh mind. it does mean more to me than to anybody else. considering it has nothing to do with anyone else. mwahaha. nope. can't be me right. actually. then again. people like to confuse people. haha. grinns. yupp. :D
alright. i'm supposed to blog about our dear sawah. yesh. i think sarah's going through the NORMAL phase of having a crush on a girl. haha. nono. she's not dangerous. i think. but yeah. she does sound lesbo. but it's ok. i know how it feels. i'm sure clare rocks. like clare's her ou xiang? (like me!! i've got 5 ou xiangs! woot!! my ou xiangs totally rock know. whee. yup. :D) you see.. sarah's straight. i think. haha. jjk. yeah. sarah's straight. yupp. sarah's too boring to blog about. hm. hahaha. jjk. sarah goes hyper everytime she talks about clare. but clare's band IS cool. but. yeah. i prefer jan!! she's cool. haha. and i loooove what's her name's eguit. it's SUPER nice. -melts- i want an eguit!! arghh. anyway, back to talking about sarah. sarah's a humongous pair of slippers. when i say something the first thought which comes to her mind is a guy. humph. haha. but she's forgiven for she's a pair of slippers. smelly slippers too! but i still love sarah!! :D *huggs*
haha. ok. that was enough bloggin about sarah. yup. today was quite ok. haha. i feel nice and helpful.. haha. not really. went to SGH to do cip. can you imagine me doing REAL work. like manual work. i'm proud to say that i packed 125kg of sugar into packets of 2kg. that doesn't equal. but yeah. neh mind. haha. went with trang and mira. wahaha. sho fun! yeah. after that went to citylink for shopping. they were picking stuff out for me to wear. -.- yeah. haha.. oh and i want to complain. i was stuck in kopitiam eating yucky chicken rice, while my mummy was eating at CRYSTAL JADE. i really don't like my mummy. like she didn't bring me out anywhere. humph. ahha. yeah. but. i helped pack sugar and she didn't!! humph. haha. ooh ooh. i packed coffee too!! now my back hurts. ouch. but yeah. for a good cause. and i got 4 cip hours. 3 more to go. need 7 i think.. yeah. hahah. crap lah.
dealing with changeness again. yup. alright. slowly before i freak. haha. yupp. i don't wanna go back to school. i'm really scared i'm going to get back papers. sigh. :S anyway. i'm glad that this week only has 3 more days. haha. cos i usually don't get the "i don't want to go to school" mood.. haha. thank God. :D
i don't like looking into the mirror. i don't. it's really very very freaky. like. -jaw drops- i feel like a shadow.. -.-" it's rather freaky don't you think. T-d. oook. hmm. yeah.
haha. whee. but i'm sure we're not acting. haha. very freaky. that's what i thought. haha. ok. it's not on purpose. i admit it's no one's fault however freaky it is.hahahahaha. yup. grinns.
still quite bleaghed about school. got double training tomorrow. got piano on thurs and training on fri. don't like. ergh. sigh. i'm trying. i'm trying. i'm trying!! -dies- think i'll go now. don't think i'll be able to blog as much cos school starting. but then again. since when did school come in the way of blogging. crap. i really need to read the bible. really. k. tata.
so they said.
Monday, August 09, 2004
I LOVE SINGAPORE!
whoo. i was sooo hyper during the parade. i've got antifriends i tell you. i do!! haha. yeah. i was like crying at the end when there was fireworks and everybody was singing the national day songs.. like we are singapore.. and all that. ARGH. and the tribute to mr goh was so sweet. :D haha. yup the fireworks rawked.. whee. not really. but yeah. i was screamin like siao ding dong. haha. not as bad as usual. but i was screaming by myself. so yeah. a bit siao right. haha. my super unenthu family. humph.. i'm talking to myself. -dies- haha. whee.
singapore idol was funny. and i just realised that i blogged three times today. cos i'm sooo bored. whee. lemon tree guy ROCKS. whee. kk. bye.
so they said.
In your despair and deepest sorrow
when you are standing
in the midst of pain's sharp arrows
you carry on to face tomorrow's failing light
it is love that will see you through the night
when there is doubt and fierce uncertainty
and there is darkness all around
you can't see where to go
you struggle on and find there is no end in sight
it is faith that will see you through the night
chorus:
He knows your pain, He'll never let you go
He gently holds your precious soul
He lifts you high and in His love you'll stand
Because you're holding the Father's Hand
you cry to God when you are overwhelmed
He'll lead you to a rock
that's higher than where you'll ever be
you battle on to face the journey's darkest fight
it is love that will see you through the night
when troubles come and courage fades away
when you are sinking
inthe midst of life's stormy seas
you triumph on and find within a hope so bright
it is faith that has seen you through the night
Chorus:
He lifts you up He wants to let you know
He gently holds you precious soul
He lifts you high and in His love you'll stand
because you're holding the Father's Hand
~
the song which made me cry. yup. just got home. my goodness it's 5 plus already!! woah. this is the first year that i haven't attended the ndp. and it's SOO depressing. :'(
went to watch ella enchanted with jojo. BEST. woot. haha. not the best movie. but yeah. haha. nice lah. heart warming. goodness. it's the normal fairytale. but i agree the book was better though i can't remember what book. saw quite a few church people today. haha. always seeing people. but i thought no one went to j8.. haha. whoops. whee. goodness. what's her name is SOOO hot!! and i said damn today. -.-' sigh. yup. pressing on. :D yeah. STOP! i know her name. just can't remember it... erm..
ANNE HATHAWAY!! yeah. haha. she's SOOO super hot. yup. and she can sing. but she put on weight. aww. haha. hugh dancy isn't all that. but in every show i watch i must find a nice guy to gush about. and yeah. haha. he is quite handsome lah. the overpopularized prince char.. haha. he was half naked in one scene. wahaha. but. only for a short time. but.. haha. he looks sexy with curly hair yeah. haha. jojo kept telling me to shut up. haha. and the jojo claimed the lil boy in front of me was giving me dirty looks. ok lor. a guy half my age was giving me dirty looks. mwahaha. haha. the show was quite funny. whee. but connie and carla was WAAAAY funnier. haha. and nicer. deedum. *yawn*
yay!! my mummy and bro rock. they actually bought the correct cd! haha. like. actually thank my good memory for remembering which cd i wanted. haha. kidding. yeah. whee. finally. :D nice cd. so ex! 21.90. anyway.. i don't undersand why they put the 90 cents cos they must as well just put 22.00 right. 21.90 makes it look more than 21.90 right. or actually yeah.
gosh. do you eat soup or drink soup. *scratches head* i give up.. yup. going to enjoy my cd. whee. argh. so annoyed. couldn't go for hillsong "concert".. was in kl during that time. :'(
bleagh. yeah. alright. shall go now. ciao.
Jesus you're the savious of my soul.
so they said.
whee. found a christian radio station. don't know from which country. but the music's nice. haha. :D VERY nice.
was getting used to it. then. WHAM. yeah. facing tomorow. so freaked i cried. uh huh.
i miss you.
man. this is SOOO cool. whee. love this. haha. supposed to watch ella enchanted later. with jojo. haha. so last minute. i'm too lazy to go anywhere. seriously. after that. need to buy shoes too!! ahh. yeah.
omg. i just found guitar chords stuff. MYGAWSH. the internet ROCKS. haha. kk. better go now. going to be late liaohs. ciao.
so they said.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
wah. so zun. hm. quite freaked out now. can't make up my mind.
so they said.
gentleness and sensitivity in speech. i'm obviously not the only one who needs to cultivate it huh. sigh. annoying lah. i'm super sick of it liaohs. seriously. whee.
yupyup. was watching jumanji just now. i used to watch it ten million times last time when i was younger. i used to love it. though it's scary. i know these things will neer happen, so i'm not as scared lah. yeah. haha. but i loooved the show. i still love it. ahah.
deedum. i wanna go back to the indian restaurant. haha. the cute waiter. looks my type. nice, sweet, blur. mwahaha. jjk. yeah. quite cute man. haha. i was like trying to take his pic on my phone, but he was too far. argh.. yeah.
do you even realise who's gone. do you care. why must i be the one who has to keep like you know. i don't like it. i really don't like. the lack of initiative. as in, even if there's no initiative, when you're told something, don't you do something about it. ergh. that's the difference. it's very annoying. i can't do it myself lah. i'm not very eloquent. i'm not anything. i remember what she said to us quite angrily once. but i don't know why. but, it's been in my mind ever since then. you see. i guess you don't.
sigh. it's very saddening. the sense of urgency ain't there eh. and. BOYS. -shakes head- it's so bad. i want to cry. wish you'd go away. GO.
suddenly, i'm so thankful that there's God to talk to, when i can't talk to anyone else. or when no one else cares.
eew. can singaporeans ACTUALLY sing. gross. i bet three quarters will be william hungs lah. aiyo. people are so desparate for fame. aiyoo.. haha. it's so annoying.
deedum. i don't want a boyfriend. ahah. goodness. that's SO random. but yeah. i think my chain of thoughts if ever traced will send someone to woodbridge. haha. it's quite scary. like. i don't know. i'm just really quite freaked out at this point of time. by a LOT of things. seriously. i think i'd die. proves to you how mature i am. emotionally. SUPER not.. haha. then again. i'm just not mature. which means i'm IMMATURE. woot. yeah. haha. but i am going to grow up. i'm trying. though i don't really want to.
nope. not to me. haha. i don't think so. cos i have absolutely. haha. whee. ooh. did i mention i don't like the dictionary. cos i look up one word and then i have to look up like 5 words after that to understand that ONE word. therefore it's SO much easier to ask walking dictionaries. lazy lah.
and can you imagine if i had to do that for each word i think i'd read the whole dictionary looking for one word? make sense. yeah. haha. not really. ahaz. hmm. bleagh.
today just made me super emotional.. like VERY. ok anyway. talking about what kenneth preached today.. the thing which stood out to me the most was the word "sustaining". sustaining. not only in missions. like in telling my friends about the Lord. like, yeah. it ain't just a one time thing. i think that is very true.. praying. sustaining in prayer. struggling with that. i pray ah. on off on off one. uh huh. i've been trying though. though trying is a bad word. haha.
i'm so tired.
haha. woah. quite freaked when it happened. quite amazed it happened. things changing. people changing. too much. really regret. wish nothing ever happened. this is the millionth time i've wished it. i do mean it. but wishing won't do anything. so i still continue wishing.
alright. ergh. i wanna go watch soccer tomorrow!! ciao. just saw someone online whom i don't really want to talk to. -runs- haha. i'm so mean!!
so they said.
back from church. whee. so tired. today was a ok day.. haha. actually i got to go to church SO it's MORE than ok. whee. :D i've suddenly become more thankful that i can go to church. i think i finally understand what weiquan talked about last week. hmm. i think it was weiquan. uh oh. doryness. yupp. anyway. SOMEBODY said. that coming each week is a renewing, OH!! I THINK IT WAS MANN!! haha. yeah. anyway. how we don't need to wait until youth conference every year. OMG. now. i don't think it's man. sigh. okok. one of the people lah. yeah. how each time we go to church is a renewing.. yeah. i think it's really true. the only way that i am able to sustain through each week is the knowledge that if i can last through this week then i would be able to go to church. :D it REALLY helps.. it does. haha. :D
i'm sorry my priorities changed drastically. hm. actually. i'm not sorry cos now i know it's correct.. but. out of politeness i will apologise. not that it isn't genuine.. but yeah. uh huh. i got my priorities sorta sorted out. and. yeah. it's just not the top priority anymore. i hope you understand. i hope you also understand that i'm not like you. to you it may be first. but to me it isn't. you can't change my priorities.. no WAY. i don't think it'll change the way you feel about my standards or anything. cos. yeah. you don't read this. and you don't' know how i feel. cos. i don't talk to you. like talk. yup.
forgot to bring so many stuff today cos i ran out of the house cos my mum was so pissed. haha. cos i was a bit late. A BIT. i overslept lah. humph. haha. yeah. so i forgot everything. humph. yupp. hm. today talked about quite a "sensitive" issue. t swee keng touched about teenagers mutilating themselves. and she said, "i hope you realise that we have a God so much greater that we can trust in" something like that. and then we sang a song. erm. i can't remember what song. OH. "father's hand" from the musicale. pl musicale. crap was crying. sigh. i feel SO guilty. adn then. during ss class. can't remember what someone said about people who cut. about how they can't express their emotions. and how ALL people who cut think it's cool. please. don't stereotype based on one person. hm. yeah. maybe it's not that the person can't express her emotions but the person doesn't
dare express her emotions. hmm. yeah. the 2 songs hit me really hard today. "it was enough" and "the Father's hand"..
don't have the lyrics to "it was enough". but yeah. remember something like 'how can You forgive me, when i can't forgive myself' or something like that. sigh. i keep telling myself i didn't do it. but i did. i actually did. i seriously can't believe i did it. hm. don't understand why i'm SO stupid. haiz. it's still so fresh in my mind. it stings.
hm. i'm really sober now.
yeah. i'm going to pray real hard for the choir. think we really need it. thanks ade and zhihui for coming up with the actions. they're really nice!! woohoo. you all rock lah. seriously. haha. grinns.
stuff which stood out to me through all the lessons. yeah. the cutting issue. hmm. yeah. soemthing about "gentleness of speech" or something liddat. i think it's like the same thing like sensitivity when you talk.. yup. really need to cultivate that. today t kenneth was SO scary. but yesh. he was right. i bet everybody "pitited" him.. but. yeah. telling us how he felt. omg. i thought i was the only weird one who goes through.. haha. eh cool. he went through exactly how i feel sometimes. i thought i was just plain weird.. okok. sigh. i still want to blog. but we're going out for family dinner now. will blog later.. or not. bro wants to use comp. kk. ciao.
so they said.
