Saturday, September 18, 2004
being used. ahh. i can't stand people who use me. i don't want anybody else to use me but the Lord. bleagh.
anyway. i'm ALMOST done studying science. and i liked today's discussion thingy with man joining us though nobody invited her. she "yue-d" me to the toilet. and yeah. she ended up in our group.. haha. where's lori!!?? the day i bring and write. she doesn't come! humph. and then when i give her tomorrow. ahah. i'll start panicking cos after that i can't remember where i put it. hahaa. i think that was SUPER funny. anyway. good luck chiobu! got race tomorrow. can't stand her. she's so pro lah. and she's so pretty and haha. whee. she should be my ou xiang ehh.
ANYWAY. back to discussion. mummy man was talking about. 1 corinthians something. izzit 12? 24-27? can't remember. bible's not in front of me. yeah. about how God gave us this opportunity to be in the race therefore we should make good use of this opportunity. and study hard. thanks. (: that's a nice thought to dwell upon.
then. zhihui. talked about responses also being part of bearing witness. yeah. that part i know already. but it was good reminder. and. responding correctly, sensitively is very difficult.. VERY. sigh.
anyway. my stand about guys being jerks still stand. they just prove it over and over again.
dumdumdum. alright. quite late. i shouldn't chat. hmm. taaa.
so they said.
mizzzzunderstood intentions. it really sucks being misunderstood. sigh. you're admitting you're selfish in a different way. why is everything everybody else's fault. have you ever looked at yourself. come on. who else is there. somebody tell me who else. ARGH. yeah i knoww i've got my own friends. then when i go with them. you get angry and dao me. and i don't like being daoed. especially not by you. you're my friend too. why can't you mix. why can't friends mix. why do i have to be torn. i want the best of both worlds. but you both don't. can anyone see that i'm being torn here. it's like. if you friend her then i won't friend you kind of thing. YOU KNOW. i know som much more than you.. awareness. arghh. torn torn torn torn. you don't give a DAMN about me do you. all you think is how you've been hurt. sighh. i've never hurt you on purpose. i promise. why do i want to hurt someone on purpose. tell me. i'm not that kind of person. eg. one night stand kinda thing. yah know. yeah. i'm a people sort of person. i don't only stick to one friend. can you please understand that. i have more than one friend. sighh. :'(
deedum. you'll never understand the reality of something unless you've gone through it. make sense? it sort of. i had the question of suicide for my chinese oral. haha. i had the easiest question!! like SUPER easy lahh. yeah. anyway. cutting and stuff. it's so real..
deedum. forgot what i wanted to blog aboutt. humm. crap. better go and study noww. taa. (:
i'll always been sorry. even if i didn't do anything. cos i'm SUPPOSED to be sorry right. but when i am. i am. sigh.
so they said.
Friday, September 17, 2004
I FOR GOT TO SAY THAT.... TODAY IS WADE ROBSON'S BIRTHDAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. so what if he will NEVER come here. -sings happy birthday song- ok. and my back hurts. cos i slept wrong way. AGAIN. sigh. ahha. whee. and i overused my computer time. O.o time to whack the books. siigh. here goes..
so they said.
In a place that won't let us feel
In a life where nothing seems real
I have found you
I have found you
In a world that's moving too fast
In a world where nothing can last
I will hold you
I will hold you
Our lives will change when tomorrow comes
Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums
and we have music all right
tearing the night
A song played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
played on a solo saxophone
It's telling me
to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world
On the other side of the earth
There's a place where life still has worth
I will take you
I'll go with you
You won't believe all the things you'll see
I know 'cause you'll see them all with me
If we're together that's when
we'll hear it again
A song played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
Played on a solo saxophone
It's telling me
to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world
Dreams
they were all I ever knew
Dreams
you won't need when I'm through
Anywhere
we may be I will sing with you
a song...
A song played on a solo saxophone
So stay with me
and hold me tight
and dance
like it's the last night of the world
last night of the world
-miss saigon
mann. i love this musicale. and i looove this song. haha. i remember watching it when it came to singapore like ten billion years ago. haha. went with andrea. and i remember the beginning was a bit. like humm. RA. haha. i was like yelling. WOI! HOW CAN YOU SHOW THIS!! HAHAHA! THERE ARE KIDS HERE! obviously they were singing too loud to hear me but yupp. don't matter. didn't want them to hear me anyway. but so sad. we didn't get to hear lea salonga sing. think it was her understudy or something. haha. and they guy john was different too! the real one was ooba handsome. ahhh. haha. (: i fall in love with guys from every musicale i watch which is a lot. haha.
"Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day
When there's got to be no chance for me
My life would end and it doesn't matter how I cry
My tears of love are a waste of time
If I turn away am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do
* If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby
If I can't have you ah ah, I can't have you
I don't want nobody baby, if I can't have you ah ah
Can't let go and it doesn't matter how I try
I gave it all so easily to you my love
To dreams that never will come true
Am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do(Repeat * till fade)"
if i can't have you.
-saturday night fever.
whee. fell in love with THAT guy. haha. like SUPER. adam-jon florentino. waha. very handsome. seriously. something seems wrong with blogger. don't know what's wrong with the spacing. i think it's just me though. 0.o
[MRS. SOWEBERRY (spoken)]
Right then, Oliver Twist,
your bed's underneath the counter.
You don't mind sleeping
among coffins I suppose?
It don't much matter whether you do
or you don't cause you can't sleepnowhere else!
[OLIVER]Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneat the willow tree
That I've been dream of?
Where is she?
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's only meant for me?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?'
Til I am bedside the someone who
I can mean somethin to ...
Where...?
Where is love?
Who can say where...
she may hide?
Must I travel...far and wide?
'Til I am beside...
the someone who
I can mean...
something to...
Where?
Where is love
where is love
-oliver.
it was my absolute favourite song out of the WHOLE performance. i remember crying and crying. ahaha. (: sigh. but i think the singaporean actors spoilt it. humph.
anyway. seriously. i'm going to stay up quite late to study tonight. lalala. got to study geog and science. and hope i don't fall asleep during ypg tomorrow. 0.o omg. i'm DYING. i seriously want to watch avenue q and boy from oz. *screams* avenue q like won how many prizes at the tony awards can. and boy from oz. hugh jackman won the best male lead.. hahahha. whee. LOOOVE him. whee. i remembered i watched beauty and the beast when i was 6 when i stayed in america for like 3 months and i only watched ONE musicale. that's SUPER loser. humph. what to do. 6 years old.. haha. i still remember new york pretty well. OHH. SINGING IN THE RAINN!! ahhh. went with chel and jojo. woah. BEST. haha. we had soo much fun. and i kept screaming cos the guy was waving at me.. i was being ego. but he was looking in my direction. woohoo. lucky mee. X)
annoyed. ergh. people think they're SO original.
anyway. i'll paste the lyrics another day. cos yeah. this thing's a bit screwed. yupp. :) anyway. i looove it. haha. i don't have oliver soundtrack though. :'( i loved the first song. FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD. haha. and oliver can sing SOO well. (: he's a teen. can't remember. though he wasn't actually very cute. ahah. jojo and i were quite disappointed. i think i went to watch with her. like i'm always watching musicales with her. i LOOOVE musicales. ahha. (: they're like WAAAY better than movies. 10 times. therefore the price of tix. ahah. whoops. :S man oliver's voice is higher than mine. woah. he's the best. aiyoo. ahha. (: woah. the song is SUPER nice. -melts-
ok. i shall go now. taa.
so they said.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
yumm. (:
so they said.
ahhh. so handsome. and he can DANCE. -melts-
so they said.
riiight. deedum. singapore idol is like on now. but i'm not watching can't be bothered. man. i'm so proud of myself!! like i finished two lessons of chinese memorising the word and the sentences like in half an hour. the power of prayer. like i've been reading the bible quite a bit after the breakdown. ahah. yeah. and it REALLY helps. oh mann. like today i read isaiah 43. i THINK. and it spoke of how the Lord will see you through the water. and won't let you drown or something like that. i keep reading about witnessing too. seriously. (: quite freaky ehh. but yeah i like it.
by this they will know who Jesus is.. (: ok. i don't know the rest of the song. i can't even remember the chorus. sort of. but i think i'd screw it if i wrote it down. haha. anyway. had quite a tough time forgiving today. i kept praying and praying. then i remembered my favourite line from the bible. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" yeah. then WOW. slowly the anger subsided. and i think most of everything is back. but i still stick closer to the other side. and yeah. we got closer.. sort of. (:
know what. i'm like at friendster. and hmm. looking at the weird things people search for.. AND.. HAHAHA. i see the name hannah chia. do you know who that is? she's my senior?! haha. not exactly MY. but yeah. from sc lahh. yeah. wahah. i bet an sc girl was looking for her. she's quite ouxiangish. not mine though. my ouxiangs are of wayy higher 'quality' and rock sooo much more. haha. all 5 of them rock. whee. (: haha. anyway. wanted to make my friend take pic with her since.. yeah. and then in the end. i took photo with her. cos my friend freaked out. o.0 so lame. therefore we sorta kinda know each other. as in. she's prefect senior too. though i didn't work with her. haha. and people are looking for kissing techniques. i'm checking it out. SO RETARDED.
anyway. we're like learning about "how babies are made" that sacred sex subject. i know it's immature to laugh at. but i can't help it with all the jokes thrown in in class. (: seriously. i deny that i'm immature. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'M LEARNING HOW TO FRENCH KISS. HAHAHAHAH. IT'S SOOOO FUNNY. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *dies* i tell you. i'll get it all wrong mann. haha. (: grinns. it sounds sooo confusing. haha. and i look crazy smiling at the computer. and there's a website that says flirting class. you mean people need to learn how to flirt?? OHH. like legally blond. haah. (: best. so funny. the stick out your butt one..
anyway. girls are bitches. every girl has a bitch in them you think yes. they do.. i hate it. haha. unfortunately. i bet i've got one inside of me too. eeyuch.
mann. being stressed when there are no exams are WORSE than being stressed cos of exams. that's got to suck. now i'm scared to go to uni. like ooba. whee. right. i can't wait for tomorrow. tomorrow's FRIDAY. i can actually stay up to study. like until late at night. whee. (:
i'm starting to enjoy studying now. woah. thank you Lord. like seriously. for mentors and friends. deedum. shall go now. taa.
so they said.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
have been looking at him everyday. he's SO hot. ahahz. grinns.
so they said.
You're all i need.
i tell you. klvv rocks. haha. whee. (: once again. crying doesn't solve anything. really broke down SO bad. sigh. this time i prayed as hard as i cried. and wow. i tell you. i could study so much better after that. "peace i leave with you". love that verse. and reading the bible helped SOO much.
"to live is Christ, and to die is gain"
was reading philippians. chapter one. felt nice.. i don't know how to describe nice but i felt nice. haha. (: today was quite a horrible day. how many times have i questioned myself why i put up with everything. i'm like the only one left you know. i'm really sick and tired of everything. my patience has been stretched THIS much. and i think it's going to snap very soon. mood swings and i get the "blast" of it. sigh. shan't complain. shall watch what i say.
the whole time we didn't talk. you know i just grew colder and colder. ignored everything to numb the guilt. and after that. i became numb to everything else. though one's ok. the other's not. and i'm trying not to grow cold about that one. sigh. must pray.
i realised sometimes telling friends don't help. though i love my partner. she's so nice know. woah. really. going to get her a really nice present at the end of the year. haha. she's like the nicest person i've ever known. come on lor. she tutors me. she helps me with my work. she makes me laugh. she listens to my problems. ahah. she rocks. she isn't very open, so yeah. she doesn't tell me her problems but yeah. i'm ok with it. it's just i need someone to complain to. my complaining things have been becoming more and more. it's so difficult to control in a difficult time. and my short fuse thingy is getting shorter and shorter. blah. thank you Lord, for my friends. (:
riiight. HAHAHA. the new and improved me!! i think that's cool. i remember coming across a cool phrase. but. suffering from doryness lahh. ahha. can't rememeber. WHOOPS. ahah.
know what. once again. my holidays are GONE. sigh. going twice overseas? like. i think i'm the only one on EARTH who hasn't been to bangkok. i'm SO going. going with my gramma i think. then going on a family holiday. can't decide where i want to go. but i'm dying to go to disney land. yeah. then. there's youth conference. and preperation for christmas concert. there's going to be intensive training. AND INVEST!! -dies- i'm actually dreading holidays. i think i must be the only idiot to be dreading holidays. don't think i'm actually going to have fun.. think everyday have to go back to school can. ARGH. and now i'm in external comm. (external = crazy. all the siao siao people go there. seriously. haha. ) and external is in charge of invest so i HAVE to be there. i think i don't mind not going for holidays. argh. i don't want to go for training. hello. i'm going to spend like how many BILLION hours in school. sick. i'm SOO annoyed. school is draining EVERY single drop of joy from mee. :'( plus. my squash kakis aren't as fun to be with as my class people. haha.
ooh. lectures are quite fun know. cos you get to sit with your friends!! haha. (: but you can't make as much noise. yeah. cos everybody can hear you. like when history teacher said. last time s'pore only had 2 naval boats not sampans. then i said to dajie" HAHAHAHA!! then if one sinks, there'll only be one left!!" and becky and dajie roared into laughter. mygoodness. i almost died. then EVERYBODY turned around. (we were sitting right at the back you see. right on top.) and the teacher said. why? somebody cracked a joke about sampans!? oh mann!! come on lahh. my jokes where got so lame. hahaha. i think the one boat sink only one left is quite funny. haahaha. whee. yeah. anyway.
everywhere i go. i'm torn. bleagh. alright. gtg. ciao.
haagen daaz cookies and cream. mmmm. grinns.
so they said.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
that was enough. (:
deedum. have i mentioned that i was freaked out and traumatised. if i haven't i have now. if i have then. yeah. i'm repeating myself. yuck. but neh mind. my brain is exhausted. i just did my lit and 3 structured essays in a go WITHOUT falling asleep. haha. best yeah.
mum's complaining i'm not eating. i'm not in the mood for eating. not in the mood for anything. i'm DEAD. like seiriously going to get skinned. i got a b for history. a very VERY low b. b4 man. woah. i got 60 lor. ahh shucks. and i love my partner. she's so nice. she didn't like gloat about her marks nor did she like.. man i got so low. WHEN SHE GOT AN A. stupid girl. unlike some stupid people. who blow off at me. ahah. anyway. don't know why lah. i'm just not putting in enough effort for history. don't like that subject very much. and ahh. i'm getting more and more stressed. i guess it's not much stress compared to like the older ones. but in my own little way. i'm very stressed for a little girl. and. honestly. i don't cope with stress well. not at all. haiz.
i STILL remember ade saying not to push God aside. include Him in your studies. i'm trying but it's sooo difficult. it's frustrating. and it's not easy to handle stress attacks alone.
thanks anyway. argh. i tell you. being a witness is so difficult. all of a sudden i'm becoming more and more short fused. and i'm so much more serious in class it feels so weird. not that it's got to do with witnessing. as in it DOES. but witnessing isn't doing this to me. it's the study fever. my results are going down. somebody tell me how i'm supposed to pull my average up by 5 marks. that's like impossible. but i need the better average. everytime i think of this. is it wrong to want good marks? but the want isn't strong enough to drive me to study. but it great enough to get me all stressed. i hate using the word stressed. it's sooo cliched in it's way. then tell me what word can i use to describe how i feel.
my friends are changing right in front of me. they keep doing it. it's SO annoying. it's so prince of naples. from merchant of venice. think it's the correct suitor. anyway. marrying him would be like marrying 20 men. HUMPH. see what i mean when i say short-fused. i'm waaay more than ever. go get a life. UGH. i tell you. i got pissed like 3 times today lor. siiigh. i feel like sleeping now. i'm sooo tired. anyway. how can you not care. TELL ME. how can you not care. so what if you're smart. sigh. who am i to tell you what to do. i give up. it's so.. sigh. what's with originality. and copyright. and stuff. sigh.
Lord. i'm so lost. i'm drowning in stress. and i can't feel You there anymore. i've got nothing to hold on to. sigh.
was super happy. whee. yeah. anyway. today. 88.3 the radio station dj people came to our school. wahaha. sho cool. they were so funny. and they gave out like 100 bucks vouchers. which need to be activated. which i think is hilarious. you can't use it until you go to like uni. haha. okeh lor. yup. and they recorded us screaming and stuff. haha. (:
deedum. rocky rocky rocky man! WOOT. i'm glad too.
so they said.
Sunday, September 12, 2004
whee. ahah. that stupid chinese thing was for stephy. stupid girl. neh do her homework. that was due. like 2weeks ago mann. naughty gurl. haha. but yeah. i handed that up one day late too. cos. i TOTALLY forgot. i guess that's not an excuse. but i REALLY forgot. haha. deedum. rushing through project AGAIN. sigh. due tomorrow. home ec project. haha. so once again. i've got to trouble my parents to bring me to buy stuff again. sigh i'm so sorry.
goodness. we're so selfish. like we had nobody to pray for. siiigh. talking about witnessing and stuff. i'm in a rush to blog. so i can't really write down my thoughts and stuff properly. will do so another day. prolly tomorrow. AHH. -dies- don't have time to study today cos of this stupid project. bleagh. got to catch up. harumph. and there's HUGH JACKMAN on tv tonight. sigh.. priorities. dies. okok. i'll go and study then. fiiine. i hate doing that. maybe i'll watch and study at the same time. oh i just realised that there's school tomorrow. know what. i don't feel any difference between school and holidays. like one week. no diff man. haha. but still thankful i could shake my feet a bit more. deedum. wahaha.
TRAUMATISED. stupid jojo and rach kept whacking my hand. don't know why. but i love them for "warning" me.. haha. gtg. dad's here.
so they said.
nah
so they said.
