Thursday, December 30, 2004
hold hands and go wrong altogether.
if i asked you to, would you.
disappear. go away. stop bugging me. stop nagging. shoot me. forgive me. never leave me. love me.
does history repeat itself? cos thoughts sure come back real fast. will i make the same choice. time and time again i tell myself i can't. i'm going to tell you you know. it'd be a lie, if i said i'll give anything to turn back time. good nonsense. letting it take over you. everything but God, i let take over me. losing a reason for everything. EVERYTHING.
*whatever you ask*
it's harder than thought. MUCH harder than thought.
never ever have i even tried struggling so hard. i'm trying so hard to break away. but He won't let me go. plus i'm half hearted in breaking away. but i'm half hearted in going back. so it's not good.
*wholehearted*
*He rescued me*
*So you would come*
*Through it all*
songs which actually touch me.
*in Christ alone* is supposed to be the most apt song abt me. as in the verses part. *empower me* i wish somebody could see. i wish to be hugged forever. to be in someone's arms. and there God's arms are open just waiting for me to go in so that i WILL be hugged forever. and there i am running away. everything's going wrong AGAIN.
so they said.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
better late than never.
kaboom. that's how hard it landed. wouch. cam you're an idiot. beeg fat idiot. beeg VERY fat idiot. massive heart cutting. shan't blog about it here. cos it'd be stupid.
no mood to type happy happy things. except that i met lots of sc prefects at cine today. yupp. and the table hockey thing was spoilt, so we couldn't play. i bet we spoilt it. and national treasure was nice. it was a disney movie. so yeah. of course disney movies are nice. kay.
it went to fast. there's nothing. but everything just went to fast anyway. don't. now. it's just going to be repelling, please slow down.
i miss seeing my friends so much during the week. really really really miss the times 3 of us spent doing nothing but talking and laughing. which wasn't much. but i miss it.
at least school's okay for most people. school's going to be h*** for me. haiz. kay. shall go before i just get sadder. ta.
so they said.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
that was it.
wow ouch. should i have done it? should i have not. i' not doubting anybody but myself. i did want it back. but could i have handled it, and just suffered in silence.
if i hurt you then, i'm sorry. please don't think this was easy
as in really. it hurts like
mad.
haha. ooh. i took off my braces. haha. and. arghh. so weiiird. haha. (: getting retainers next week. i don't WANT to think of next week. scary nkow. sec 3. ahh. i haven't started on my homework. haha. it's just one book to read. but guess what it's a really really long chinese book. GREAT. i'm at pg 10. and i've got until don't know when to read it. go back to school first thing test. i'm not starting this year with the rest perspective in mind. AH. freak. did you really REALLY have to come back at this time. like "pop".
it was super late. but i'm really glad to get to know you guys better. aiyo. i could sense the uncomfortableness. can you sense that i'm trying a beet hard to stop 'it'. haha.
yesterday was SUPER fun. haha. knew it. it's the company lah. seriously. we can go anywhere and i have fun. seriously. haha. but yesterday we went to cine. ahah. they were eating at edo when we got there. haha. then we went there. and WOAH. we were making SOOO much noise. haha. (: haha. 11 of us lahh. haha. (: noisy like anything. so we hurry went out. then yeah went for our movie. and i think know what. we were born to obstruct people. somehow. WHEREVER we stand we're blocking somebody. i'm not kidding. it may be one or all of us. we're still in somebody's way. and i promise it isn't on purpose. for example. we can stop right in front of the door and talk. ahha. then jojo will shoo us to the side. haha. it's very funnyyy. then yes. after movie. stephy rushed off to her class party. i missed mine!! last week. :'( anwyay. yeah. thenn. we went to take neoprints. we couldn't FIT. haha. ahboy's head is too big. hahahaha. anyway. 10 of us couldn't fit. and it was havoc. haha. screaming everywhere. yupp. thenn. yeah. the girls took by ourselves. haha. quite ugly. then the guys took by themselves. of course with the irritation of us girls. they picked the one with my hand in it lah. out of 21 photos. tell me how clever they are. haha. ((: anyway. then most of them went up to the arcade. then tam, nat, nigel and i took some MORE neoprints. like how many cann. haha. very very funny. we were runnning in and out of the machine cos we wanted to take alone and stuff with each other. and once again. ahboy's head is too big. eh. he's quite cute as in handsome cute. haha.knoow. oooh. haha. (: then we took card. we had to take twice cos there were 4 of us. haha. very nice.. (: then we went up. haha. we played table hockey thing like ten billion times. i pulled my muscle cos of it. haha. (: nigel and i played against nat and tammy.. haha. we won.. woohoo. go handsome! haha. we played all kinds of rubbish money wasting games. anyway we watched kungfu hustle. haha. it was really scary when it started. but it was quite nice in the end. haha. really. lalalala. stephen chow is HOW cool. haha. and not too bad looking and his nice bod. haha. anyway. yah. shall go now. got school. how sick is that. SCHOOL. kay chow. -pun intended-
so they said.
Monday, December 27, 2004
and i've got you too.
please. i don't want to hear it. bah. it's wrong. it's wrong. it's all wrong. remember the screwed
'ship. all the bullcrap that you did. you just say sorry and it's ok.. forgiving is fine with me. but you're really quite pushing it you think lei. i'm just a replacement aren't i. i don't mean a thing to you. like honestly. what or who do you think i am can. siiigh. it's.. over. when the feeling's gone it won't come back. -quotes kaiwei- why can't everything just be normal? must it really go back all the way there.. siiigh.
going out going out going out going out going out going out. yay. jealousy is baaad. i hate it. i hate feeling it. it's a retarded feeling which gets you no better than anybody else, and you only hurt yourself. argh. c'mon c'mon stop it.
shall go. bro wants to use comp. which he uses it for the rest of the day, and i can't use it anymroe. ta.
so they said.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
so apt.
honestly. i don't know how to respond. until now. can't you tell! it'll never go back to the way things used to be. as much as i unfreeze. i can't bear to let myself do it again. i feel so erghed. not used. but only wanted when something else is gone. what do you take me as. okay. friends okay. i guess. but it's just gone too far to be comfortable friends on my side. you didn't see my mouth quiver. you didn't hear my heart yelling in fear. all you saw was that smile. and please stop being so gross. don't you know. i'll never be able to replace whatever you've lost. the only reason why you're talking to me is because. and. sigh. it's different now. it's very different now.
lalala. (: today was fun. we got to sit on stage. cos there was no space in the sanctuary. at first rach and i were sitting right at the back. with bent sitting on the floor next to me. poking me. so annoying. haha. kidding. well. i went up onto stage with all my barang barang and sat down. so embarrassing can. aiyo. haha. (: yupp. but it was quite a cool experience. haha. (: anyway. YARH. then. after that we just sat on stage and talked and laughed until like 1 when we finally decided we SHOULD go for lunch. so we trotted down and tammy and i saw my handsome off. he went lanning. -.-' anyway. yes. over lunch we had TONS of fun. ((: hee. screaming and laughing. yes. and we came up with a our own family tree. hee. every batch has a family tree except ours LAH. and now we finally do. there's the hangers and the cups. HAHA. kewlies. (: anyway. it was ooba funny. ((: love my darling ah boy and xiaodi. haha. we're going out tomorrow. whee. can't wait. i'm really sure it'd be super fun. of course. with my handsome there. we'll never have enough laughs. oh. i'm married to handsome. NATURALLY. haha. grinns. kk. shall go now. taa.
so they said.
