some love.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

and maybe i could live forever. if not ever i had known that you'd be waiting here. whenever i am all alone.

didn't go to school today, not feeling well. throat worsened by screaming sooo much yesterday. yeah you know. the whole world's been asking what happened to me? like where have i been, why didn't i get into the team, why i haven't i been training. how come i'm not playing this year. and all i said was oh. i got busier didn't have time to train, or i deproved cos i didn't have TIME to train. and all that crap. CRAP. i used to be so affected by it, now i'm like totally bleagh please.
i use dto looove squash like crap. i used to play squash cos i loved it. i did well cos i loved it. you turned it into living hell when you made me think it was all about always being the best, always about competition. that squash is my life. i got scared, backed away. and the encouragement the world gives me isn't enough to make me turn back. i need a reason to play. The only reason i'll play is cos i don't want to waste the talent the Lord has blessed me with. Sure, it'll take LOTS of hardwork on my side to go back up again, but now, i'm reminded by the mg cheer "who's side you playing on, i'm playing on the Lord's side" ( i don't think half of them mean it, honestly. haha. no offence ) anyway yeah. i'm going to play, and i pray "in every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strentgh, my source of hope, is Christ alone" (: i'm going back. i'm going back.

The loneliness. it's getting to me a LOT. the more i hear it, the less of value it becomes. if you don't want. then just forget it. from what i see, it's like how unsincere. it's for the sake of them. and i'm just like, you know buy 3 get one free. i'm that free one. thanks for making me feel that way. i could just turn, walk away and leave. the gate's always seems to be open. the competition. now that you've mentioned it, i feel it. i hate it. YOU. you are just driving it deeper. he was right. you would do it again. you did it once. why couldn't you do it another time. thanks for dropping by. and not saying goodbye. no. it's not fine. stop pretending. well, okay. i haven't. so much for where you're coming from eh. i don't think i really want to believe what you say. oh yeah. and i'll do my part.


priorities. i'm confused. i've been confused for so long. why. cos i haven't made God my center. omgomg. i'm annoyed. i am determined to grow this year. as much as i can. i know ahead of me, it's going to be a tough 2 years in secondary school. i'm looking forward to it, cos i know that i will grow so much closer to Him. and i don't intend to lose focus of Him that easily. so yeah. enough is enough. i know i need the Lord. the more pain i feel, the more i want Him. the pain hurts, but it's driving me towards Him, so i guess it's good.

milo and cadbury. driving me crazy. i must focus. on the RIGHT things. here goes nothing. ((:

so they said.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

tear me apart that i can love you both.

you know i don't have it all. there's not one. until now, i haven't found one. ONE. somebody loves you. who does me. so stop it. really. just stop it. you're not making it any better. neither are you being one. so i guess you've never been one. okay then.

times like these i really want you.

ah. i want a dog. omgomgomg. suddenly. i REALLY want a dog. something to cuddle. ooh. so nice. ((:

i feel like such a loser.

honestly, i think i suffer from it more than you do. just that. we react to it very differently. sometimes, i feel as if it's just too much. i really can't stand it. i really can't take it. Lord, never let me go.

just one someone.

so they said.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

not everybody's here. aww.


lovey.


cool hat people. grinns. (:


this is just SO weird. hahahahahaha.


alvin is half my ou xiang. HAHAHA. yay. (:

easter rocked.

so they said.